Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Learning the Ropes

Although I originally started this blog to monitor my weight loss, something unexpected has occurred: It has transitioned from being solely weight loss blog into a more general blog about how to become a healthier person, inside and out. Slowly, I've opened up and started discussing other struggles that I deal with, from jugging money and bills to my relationships with men. In the course of this year, I've realized that many of my issues are interconnected, and it's hard to talk about weight without bringing up the other stuff. I hope that you, as the readers, are okay with this little change-up and aren't frustrated by my stream of consciousness ramblings.

In light of this, I had an interesting revelation, post-binge, (yup, you heard right) last night. Although my social activities sometimes wear me out and often lead to bizarre crying fits, staying busy is essential to not binging and overeating. If, when I get home from work at around 5pm, I have nothing to do except watch endless episodes of Gilmore Girls, I'm often tempted to binge. Now, an occasional night off is fine, but a few straight nights off of alone time make me start to feel bored and depressed and lead to binging. Or smoking an entire pack of cigarettes.

Maybe it's because I grew up in a large family, where alone time was an unheard of option. Or maybe it's because my college years were filled with empty nights alone with nothing but a pint of ice cream for company, but for whatever reason too much "alone time," makes me feel miserable, insecure, and like eating my weight in ice cream. The first step to recovery is acceptance, right?

And it's not even that I was alone for a long time this week. I had plans Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so we're only really talking Monday and Tuesday. But the combination of empty nights and TOM proved too much to handle this month, and I ended up succumbing to the binge I had been vigorously fighting for the past 48 hours. Oh well. I'm not beating myself up about it. It happened.

But as soon as I felt that disgusting, sick feeling creep up in my belly, I decided to put on a cute-ish outfit and get out of the house. I walked to my friend's place, confessed my cookie binge, and instantly felt better. I'm still the same old Katie--one binge ain't gonna change that. And oddly enough, when I weighed in this morning, the scale read 172, which is bizarre since it's a few pounds lighter than earlier in the week.

I'm going to repeat this--it's SO hard being an adult and figuring out how to live well. Balancing food and money and exercise (or the lack thereof) and friends and men and cars and bills is really, really tough. It's hard to strike a good balance between extremes--aka being the rambunctious socialite or the Gilmore Girls hermit. The obsessive points counter or the insane binger.

I guess I don't do much by halves =) Anyway, I have set up a few social plans for today and tomorrow, and I'm not feeling that desperate urge to binge anymore, thank goodness. Oh and I wish I had the guts to show you my work outfit today--E's oversized button down shirt, my Mom's leggings, and a pair of really old heels. I look like a rockstar =)


  1. It sounds like you have a really positive attitude in the aftermath of your binge, which is a really good thing. I think the biggest thing between me now and me before, is that if I binged at 250 pounds, I gave up and continued down that path of overeating and trying to fill the void but continuing to feel empty for well, years. It can be a vicious cycle when you look at a binge as a disappointment to yourself.

    Now, when I succumb to a binge, I pick myself up as soon as I can, dust myself off, and go for a run. I try not to let it bring me down or define me, and it sounds like you've made a very similar transition in thinking.

  2. Sounds like you have an "all-or-nothing" approach to a lot of things, just like me! It's something that I constantly struggle with.

    I love reading about things other than diet and exercise, it's nice to get to know you, Katie! I can tell that if we lived near each other that we'd be friends. :-)

    Of course, I would join your Gilmore Girls marathons, not your partying, because I'm just not a party-girl (which sometimes sucks. I seriously wish that I loved going out, but I just don't.)

    Anyways, yes, I agree that it's hard to be an adult. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think that (or say it out loud!).

  3. Katie, your face looks really thin in this picture!

  4. Great attitude! and I like the "off topic" or "broad topic" posts.

    Have you ever been treated for depression?

    I have PTSD and it effects me in a similar way (in all aspects of my life). It leads to overdoing everything, as many anxiety disorders do.

  5. Thanks for the comments everyone! Haha Leah, I'm glad that I can count on you to join me on the Gilmore Girl marathons =) I'll coax you out to a bar or two as well =)

    Em--I appreciate the feedback. I have been treated for depression at times, but my case is so mild that the medicine isn't terribly helpful. I'm basically just moody, haha.