Thursday, September 30, 2010

And the verdict is...

I'm up 1.4.

After two tough weeks with some very bad eating days, that's not so bad. And I'm glad I weighed in because now I can focus on having a good week this week.

-Count points and stay within points.

-Exercise three times

That doesn't seem too hard. Wish me luck!

Not Just One...

"I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink. I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough."

This is a quote from one of my favorite shows West Wing , when one of the main characters, Leo, explains his addiction to alcohol.

I think this quote exemplifies my relationship with food. Yesterday, it was cold and rainy outside and I was craving a warm, crispy doughnut. But like Leo, I didn't just want one doughnut; I wanted to eat doughnuts until I was completely stuffed. I wanted to eat the whole box.

I don't understand people who can eat just enough sweet/junk food to be satisfied. I don't understand people who can leave half a bowl of ice cream left over on the table, people who can eat half a doughnut and leave the rest for later. When I was a kid, I had a good friend named Kiki. Kiki was an only child and she used to keep bowls of candy in her room. The crazy thing was--she didn't eat all the candy! If that had been me, I would have eaten it all within an hour.

On the other hand, I have no problem leaving half a beer or glass of wine left over when I feel like I've had enough to drink. In fact, I have a notorious reputation for not finishing my beers ;)

So, back to my doughnut story. Instead of hitting Dunkin Doughnuts, I went to the gym instead. And after 30 minutes on the elliptical, my craving for doughnuts had vanished and been replaced with the desire for a hearty, sustaining meal. I had cream of wheat, toast, and scrambled eggs for dinner. And it was delicious.

I just hope that I can continue to make good decisions rather than succumbing to my desire to compulsively eat. But as Leo says in the West Wing, every day he has to make the choice not to have a drink. Likewise, I'll just have to take this weight loss journey one day at a time. Today, I will make the choice to eat healthy foods. Although, I have planned to eat (one!) ice cream sandwich for dessert either today or tomorrow. And you know what I did, I went to the store and literally bought one ice cream sandwich instead of the box. Baby steps, if you will.

Happy Thursday.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Refocusing on Me

These last few weeks have been a difficult time for me. N broke up with me, I got the stomach flu, and my cat Fanny ran away (she returned on Saturday night, thank goodness). When bad things happen, my tendency is to turn to food, which of course, makes me feel even worse than ever. This time was no different. I completely stopped tracking points and ate whatever I felt like--honey nut cheerios, ice cream, nuttella, cookies, etc...

But I am here to tell you that a few weeks of less than stellar eating will not break me. And it will not keep me from reaching my goal of finally getting to a normal weight. I just need to pull myself out of my funk and get back on track. Now I know that is easier said than done, but I have done it before and I can do it again.

On a side note, I had an interesting epiphany last night. I went out with a new guy R on a very casual second date--just watching the football game at a college bar. Well, throughout the course of the date I was not having a good time. R wasn't really my type and he seemed way more interested in watching the game, texting his friends, and looking at shoes online (don't ask me why) rather than talking to me. Anyway, then this girl came over to our table. She had her hair pulled back in a bun and was wearing jeans and a red sweatshirt--yet she looked great because she was skinny. All of a sudden, I felt really fat and unattractive by comparison, even though I was dressed up in a nice outfit and having a particularly good hair day.

So, I went home where I proceeded to eat everything in my pantry to rid myself of that sickening feeling of insecurity. But how counterproductive is that?? God help me--it was the absolute worst thing I could do. And yet, that's not the first time that I have reacted in that way. Well, now that I'm more aware of my issue, hopefully I can work on it in the future.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get back on track with eating and living healthy. Today, I have planned my meals, and I'm going to the gym after work (I have the clothes/shoes in the car). I'm making homemade tomato soup for dinner, which I'm pretty excited about :)

On another side note, I am going to take a break from dating and guys for the time being. The thing with N ended particularly badly, and I honestly need some time to regroup before I date again. I bought some art supplies yesterday (watercolors, pencils, paper) and I'm going to try them out tonight, hopefully. I used to be pretty good at art, and it would be fun to get back into that hobby. I'm also going to focus on exercising regularly, cooking, reading, and writing. I need to feel confident that I can be a whole person, independent of who I'm dating. I need to feel secure enough with myself, so that I don't feel empty if I have to spend a night or two alone. It's scary to embrace solitude like this when you're 24 (almost 25) but that's what I need to do for me. And hey, I know myself--I love hanging out with people and socializing, so this does not mean that I'm going to become a crazy cat lady. I just need to stop being dependent on others to make me happy, if that makes any sense.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

And the Verdict is...

Down 1 lb :)

Not too shabby for a pretty so-so week. Happy Thursday everyone.

Boxed Wine

There is a reason why I don't drink boxed wine. Boxed wine, especially red Zinfandel, goes down like fruit punch. It's so easy to drink that you forget it contains alcohol. That's a bad thing.

Last night, I planned on making Cream of Wheat and watching Gilmore Girls and having a glass of wine. But I was out of milk. So I walked over to the corner store to pick some milk up(I had 5 dollars that a kindly coworker lent to me) and I ran into some people I knew. The upshot was that I got a free "real" dinner, corned beef and hash, which was delicious. The downside was that I also drank too much boxed wine. Oh well. It was a fun night, which I definitely needed after such a stressful day.

Okay, enough about the partying and moving on to the point of this blog--health. So, on Tuesday, I followed WW very well. I ate exactly my points and I went for a run at a park in Richmond. Yesterday, was not quite as good. I had Panera for lunch (12 points) but then for dinner I had a mishmash of things. Corned beef hash (not that huge a serving), an unknown number of cups of boxed wine, 1 piece of white bread, and an ice cream sandwich. Hmm...

Do you think that equals 14 points? I have no idea. Alcohol wreaks havoc with counting points. Anyway, my weigh in is today, so we'll see what the verdict is for my very so-so week. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Dead Broke

I'm only going to say this once, I hate Wachovia. In the past two weeks, they have made TWO errors on my account, each time freezing my funds for 24 hours. Not cool. Especially when you have no cash and are literally paying for gas with dimes and nickels. Oh the joys of being broke.

With that said, I will take this opportunity to think about the good things in my life. I stuck to the Weight Watcher plan yesterday. I counted my points and stayed within them, yay! And I jogged/ walked 1.5 miles outside. And today, I'm wearing an actual dressy outfit: a yellow silk shirt, striped green skirt, and beige high heels. And I'm actually wearing make-up.

And to make things even better, a coworker just gave me a box of Franzia wine. You know, I am generally a little snobby about boxed wine (I'll admit it), but I will take anything at this point, even boxed wine. And who are we kidding, I have $0.19 in my bank account. I have no right to be snobby, whatsoever.

This is an important life lesson for me. When I was in high school and college, I could never imagine that I'd be so poor that I'd be flirting for free lunches and accepting cans of soup and boxes of wine from coworkers.

Speaking of free lunches, my boss bought me Panera for lunch today and I ate 1/2 a roast beef sandwich and a cup of broccoli cheddar soup (12 points). Considering that I didn't eat breakfast, that fits in well with my plan.

I know that statistically speaking obesity is more prevalent among the poor, but, seriously, I've found it easier to eat "light" when I'm broke because I simply don't have the money to splurge on things like ice cream and pizza. I eat a lot of oatmeal, canned soup, rice, and beans, and to be honest it's hard to binge on such boring food.

So, the plan today is to somehow scrounge enough change to pay for gas to drive home, make some rice and beans, and watch Gilmore Girls while drinking my boxed wine. Sound good?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Journey Begins

As many of you know, I have taken a 6 week long hiatus from counting points. During this time, I have still managed to lose weight, albeit very slowly. However, today I have decided that it's time to take Weight Watchers seriously once again. I am just about 39 pounds away from a HEALTHY weight, so why should I stop now?

It's time to pull out the points calculator, start measuring, and start really focusing on eating and living healthy. That also means that I'm going to need to cut back on crazy drinking + eating nights, but that's okay. If I get back on the program, there is a very good possibility that I will be bikini-ready by next summer for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. So what am I waiting for?

With that in mind, let's discuss some goals.

1. Attend two exercise classes each week, and work out a minimum of four times a week. Two times per week is really not cutting it, in terms of both my physical and mental health.

2. Count points and STAY WITHIN points. Sounds easy, but it's actually going to be fairly challenging for me.

3. This is a little less related to weight loss, but I'm going to focus on taking better care of myself, i.e. doing my laundry, staying groomed, etc...

Lately, I've lost focus and, as a result, I've lost my sense of accomplishment about my weight loss journey. And that's a downright shame because I've successfully lost 50 pounds and I should feel proud of myself. So, now is the time to get refocused, jump back on the bandwagon, and lose the remainder of the weight FOR GOOD.

I know I can do this. I just need to take it one day at a time. Wish me luck.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

50 pounds!

That's right, I finally did it. Today I reached my 50 pound mark, which I've been flirting with for the last few weeks. I lost 1.6, which brought my total loss to 50.4

I'm pretty excited!

I'm also somewhat confused, especially when I think back to all the food I ate this week--chips with salsa, ribs, mini-hamburgers, ziti with sausage and fennel, a bagel with cream cheese. It's hard to imagine that someone can lose weight while eating all that food. All I can say is, what on earth was I eating pre-WW?

In all due seriousness, portion control is a huge factor. I've found that I can eat some unhealthy foods and still lose weight, as long as I don't eat too much of them too often. I know that sounds like plain common sense, but when you are constantly flipping from diet mode to binge mode, it's hard to imagine that there is a middle ground.

And, for the moment, I seem to have found it :)

Happy Thursday everyone!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Holiday is Over

Well, labor day weekend is officially over. So sad. I had a pretty good weekend, what with partying on Friday night, hanging out with friends on Saturday, going to my parent's cook-out on Sunday, and relaxing/ going to the gym yesterday. And this morning I got to come in late to work, so that was very nice. For some bizarre reason, I woke up at my usual time (7am) but then I had 3.5 hours to myself. So I got in my workout clothes and headed to the gym.

Unfortunately, my legs felt like lead on the treadmill (serves me right for going two days in a row.) So instead I got on this exercise bike that was attached to a monitor and chose a race program video game. I know that I'm behind on this whole technology/ exercise phenomenon, but watching/ steering with my bike as I "raced" other imaginary people was much more fun than just doing the bike. And I definitely worked up a sweat :)

I will definitely try that exercise again.

As for healthy eating, I'll admit I've been a little off track. I splurged on lots of yummy food at my parent's house (mini-hamburgers, ribs, sausages, baked beans, potato salad, wine, etc...) And I also had some chips, salsa, and beer with my friend Adriane on Saturday. But the good news is that I haven't had anymore "uncontrollable eating," and I have exercised twice. I'm going to try to get back on track for the rest of the week and stick to mostly healthy foods.

I really would like to lose the 0.6 that I gained last week, although it's not looking good at the moment. Well, wish me luck and happy Tuesday.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Southern Cooking

Sometimes it's really nice to cook after a stressful day at work. I got home yesterday feeling wiped out from the day, and decided to cook a comfort food dinner of roasted chicken, collard greens, and rice. My neighbors joked that it was a very southern meal and I guess it is. But basically it was yummy, simple food.

As soon as I got home, I put on my sweat pants, poured a huge glass of wine, and made dinner for myself (and several neighbors in the building). Overall, everyone enjoyed the food and it was a fun night, although I may have single-handedly consumed an entire bottle of red wine ;) This week has been so stressful--what with bills, car issues, weight issues--so it was nice to unwind with some friends and relax for the evening.

By the way, I want to thank everyone for the support yesterday. I know that a gain of .6 is not the end of the world, and hopefully I can get back on track this week and see a good loss next Thursday.

Happy Friday everyone!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

And the verdict is...

Gained .6 pounds.

I am not in a very happy mood right now.

My New Best Friend...

Is a treadmill at Gold's Gym :)

Of course, I'm not talking about just any treadmill. I found a special treadmill that praises you as you hit 10 percent of your goal time, 20 percent, etc...While to some, that kind of encouragement might seem like overkill, it's ideal for me. Because, let's face it, I really need the encouragement, especially when I'm huffing on the treadmill and trying to ignore the cramping of my muscles.

With this weight loss journey, I've found it's important to celebrate the little successes. Like finally throwing away (Miranda style) that 1/2 gallon of ice cream in the freezer. Or like running for 30 minutes straight. Or simply not giving up after a binge. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the change I'm trying to make, and it helps to celebrate each 10 percent marker, if you will.

On that note, I have a confession to make: I had a binge on Tuesday night. There's not much to talk about. It happened when I was feeling (a) overwhelmed, (b) upset, and (c) PMS-ing. It lasted about 20 minutes and in that time I consumed all of the leftover pizza (2 huge slices) and two bowls of ice cream. Right towards the end of the binge, I realized that binging was not going to make me feel better, so I stopped. I threw out the remainder of the ice cream, cried for a while, took a bath, and went to sleep (I was overtired as well). I woke up on Wednesday feeling bloated, but determined to eat well and exercise. And I did.

I realized three things from the binge. One, I'm not sure that I'm strong enough to keep trigger foods in the house (i.e. ice cream and pizza). Two, binging really doesn't make you feel better when you're stressed out; it just adds one more negative stresser to the pile. So, I'm really hoping that the next time I feel overwhelmed I can find a different way to "feel better." And third, I realized that I have grown stronger and healthier in the last five months because I was able to stop the binge relatively quickly and I was able to get right back on the wagon the following day. That's so much better than allowing one binge to turn into days/ weeks of bad eating.

Enough about that. Otherwise, things have been going pretty okay this week. I worked out twice, went food shopping, did some laundry, and even vacuumed the apartment. My weigh in is today and I'm going to try not to get upset if I see a gain. Wish me luck and I'll let you know what the verdict is later this afternoon.