Thursday, July 28, 2011

And the verdict is...

Down 3 pounds to make it 154 on the WW scale. Officially 4 pounds from goal!!

I've Converted

I have to admit that immediately after I posted my last post, The Fat Girl in the Room, I worried about whether someone would comment, "Yes, of course I see a fat girl in those photographs--it's you!"

I am quite relieved that did not happen. Thank you for being so kind, you wonderful people who take the time to comment on my little blog ;)

Moving on, I guess you might be wondering why I haven't been talking about my Weight Loss Journey lately. Cast your fears aside! I am not holed up in my living room, in a Gilmore Girls induced trance, chowing down on raw cookie dough.

To be honest, my weight loss journey has been so easy these past few weeks that there hasn't been much to report. I have continued to lose weight steadily (roughly a pound a week) and I am now officially, according to the WW scale, seven pounds from my goal weight. I have been exercising consistently, mixing my cardio up with more strength workouts (which I have started to love). I have not binged in over three months. Generally, I've been craving fresh fruit--peaches, mangoes, strawberries--more than ice cream and cookies. And I've been craving a sweaty workout more than watching a two-hour-long movie. Oh, summer, how I love thee.

And I will definitely be reading this post and hating my ebullient self come November. Count on it! So, if you're struggling, go read some of my depressing posts from December 2010/ January 2011 ;) This just goes to show that I am incredibly affected by seasons!

The only downside to this summer magic is that it makes me more social than ever, which means too much splurging on booze and other goodies (pizza, homefries, biscuits) over the weekend, which I'm sure is slowing my weight loss. But so far I have managed to stay within my 49 allotted WPs...which brings me to some actual news...

I successfully switched to Points+ a few weeks ago and it hasn't killed my weight loss.

Long story short, my WW Leader, WW friends, and random people on the street all convinced me to give Points+ a shot. And clearly I have no willpower ;) Now that I've adjusted to the program, I refuse to switch back. I feel more satisfied with Points+ and I like having the option to grab a piece of fruit if I'm hungry. Also, the first few weeks I tracked my calories on SparkPeople while I was on Points+ and I'm still eating the correct amount of calories to lose weight (usually 1400 calories a day). So, there you have it, I am now a converted Points+ WWer.

Don't worry, I won't get all preachy and start knocking on peoples' doors with Points+ handbooks. At least...not yet...

So, today is my weigh in day. These days, I have an, admittedly, screwy weight tracking system. Essentially, I've been keeping two separate trackers for my weigh-ins (my morning, post-pee, naked weigh ins) and my afternoon weigh-ins at Weight Watchers (fully clothed/ after breakfast). I record my AM weigh in a spreadsheet my Excel savvy friend created for me, and I record my official weigh in on my WW e-tools tracker/ the Receptionist puts the sticker in my book.

This morning, I weighed in at 153 on my home scale. As I opened up my spreadsheet to record my AM weigh in, I realized that I've officially lost 20 pounds since May 5th. I will let you know of my WW verdict later, but last week I weighed in at 157, so hopefully I'll be down some (although you never can tell!)

Can I just say, it was amazing seeing 153 on the scale this morning =)

Happy Thursday everyone!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Fat Girl in the Room

Can you spot the "fat girl" in these photographs?

You know what, I don't see her either. As critical as I can be about myself, I don't see any "fat" women when I look at these photographs. Instead, I see a group of young, pretty women, enjoying a Friday night out in the middle of the summer.

One of the side-effects that no one tells you about when you set out to lose over a third of your body weight is the following: Once the weight is gone, you will have no idea what you look like anymore. Everyone else gets to see the transformation, but all you see are glimpses through mirrors and snapshots taken from a wild Friday night.

Which often results in me feeling like the biggest girl in the room. I was at a bar last weekend (shocker, I know ;) and I started talking to this guy. At one point in the conversation, he referred to me as a "cute blond." I literally laughed in his face. Those adjectives couldn't possibly describe me. But then he pointed across the bar to a thin, blond girl, and said, "Yeah, you and her. You're the cute blonds at the bar."

His words do not match up to my self image of myself. Half of the time I feel like the hulk, with huge shoulders, huge boobs, huge thighs and crazy, messy hair, and the other half of the time I feel glamorous like Marilyn Monroe, especially when I wear my little black dress, tan heels, and huge sunglasses. Clearly, my self image is somewhat distorted.

A friend from Syracuse came to visit me this past weekend, and when I stepped out of my car, it took him a moment to recognize me. He kept going on about how "great" I looked, but all I could think about was the fact that he didn't recognize me. It's surreal losing so much weight that you look like a different person.

Like loose skin and stretch marks, hopefully in time, my self image will firm up and become more accurate. In the meantime, I'm going to try to keep these photographs in my head and remember that I am no longer the fat girl in the room.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Weight Loss Fairy Tales

As someone who has spent the majority of my life overweight, I have often thought, "One day I'll lose the weight and everything will be perfect." I imagined that the excess weight was to blame for a multitude of problems in my life--everything from my perpetually unruly hair to my knack for loudly saying the wrong thing in every single social situation. No joke, I emphatically told a comedian that I did not find him funny a few weeks ago. (I blame my mother for this trait. At parties, she is known for loudly proclaiming that the music is horrible [haarable--pronounced in her Long Island/ Boston accent]).

I am beginning to realize that losing weight is like shedding the blanket that obscures you from the world. It exposes your features and shows your insecurities. You can no longer harbor the illusion that underneath all the bulk, you are a fairy princess. Once you've shed the weight, you can no longer run home after a bad day and numb your pain with macaroni and cheese and ice cream. This is fundamentally a good thing. It brings you closer to people. It connects you to the world. At the same time, it makes you more vulnerable. People can decide they don't like you when you put yourself out there. People can decide you're not cool enough, pretty enough, [insert feature here] enough. And you can't think anymore, well I'll show them when I lose weight and walk up to them, looking like a supermodel.

Because all of a sudden you realize that looking like a supermodel is not in your cards. Because, drum roll please, there are no more huge transformations in your future. Yes, you may lose 10-15 more pounds and that will be fantastic, but you don't have another 80 pounds to go. You are essentially at a normal weight. People will still recognize you when you get to goal. And that's okay. In fact, it's better than okay.

I'm starting to realize that weight loss fairy tales never come true. But perhaps the reality is better. I certainly hope so.