Longer post to follow, but I officially hit my goal weight at my meeting this afternoon. I weighed in at 148.6 =)
YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
End of An Era
I apologize for my lack of blog posts as of late. To say that I have been busy would be an understatement. I have spent the last few weeks apartment hunting, looking/ applying for jobs, going on interviews. The good news is that I was offered a new job in Northern Virginia. The bad news is that my new job starts on August 29, just one week from today.
Which means that I had to resign from my current job, pack up all my belongings, sell my furniture, and say goodbye to a city that I have fallen in love with these past two years--all in the span of two weeks. It's been rough, to say the least.
While packing and moving and dropping boxes of clothes off at Goodwill has been physically demanding, the hardest part has been saying goodbye. I went to my favorite restaurant, Joe's Inn, for brunch and realized that this might be the last time I go to Joe's in a while. I went to my WW meeting on Thursday and had to tell all the members who have cheered me on this past year and half that I was leaving and I wasn't going to reach my goal weight. I said goodbye to all my close friends, and then my friends at the coffee shop, my friends at my bars, my friends in my building, etc...I think it's hard to realize just how much of a life you've created for yourself until you have to leave it.
My house is empty and bare now. In a way, it's a relief, because I don't much left to move this coming week. On the other hand, it's depressing and inconvenient as hell. I miss having a bed and sofa and dining room table. My television is currently propped up on two stacks of books with a board, and my bed consists of an air mattress on the floor. Leo, my sensitive cat, has taken to hiding under the claw-footed bathtub. Fanny, my precocious cat, has decided that knocking over random objects--such as glasses, nails, hammers, books--is an amusing game to play at 3am. Generally, it's a madhouse at my apartment.
So, with all of this going on, it's been harder than usual to focus on my weight loss journey. I am disappointed that I won't be hitting my goal weight in time for my last meeting in Richmond, but I know that I've come a long way, and it doesn't *really* matter that I'll leave my meeting being roughly 3 pounds from goal.
Living in Richmond has been such an amazing experience for me. I've lost weight, gotten healthy, built up my self confidence, made friends, and learned how to survive on my own two feet. I've grown a lot in the past two years, and I'm little anxious to leave the city that has helped me to accomplish so much. On the other hand, I know that it's not the place that has enabled me to do this--it's me. And I know that moving back home with a better job will enable me to grow professionally and economically. I just hope and pray that I'll be able to continue my healthy lifestyle without my own apartment and city. I hope that I won't be too lonely in Northern VA. I hope that I won't revert back to the old habits that made me 90 pounds overweight.
I don't think I will. I have enough faith in myself to know that it doesn't matter where I am, these changes are permanent. I'm excited and scared to start a new chapter in my life. I know that I've made the right decision, it's just hard to leave.
Which means that I had to resign from my current job, pack up all my belongings, sell my furniture, and say goodbye to a city that I have fallen in love with these past two years--all in the span of two weeks. It's been rough, to say the least.
While packing and moving and dropping boxes of clothes off at Goodwill has been physically demanding, the hardest part has been saying goodbye. I went to my favorite restaurant, Joe's Inn, for brunch and realized that this might be the last time I go to Joe's in a while. I went to my WW meeting on Thursday and had to tell all the members who have cheered me on this past year and half that I was leaving and I wasn't going to reach my goal weight. I said goodbye to all my close friends, and then my friends at the coffee shop, my friends at my bars, my friends in my building, etc...I think it's hard to realize just how much of a life you've created for yourself until you have to leave it.
My house is empty and bare now. In a way, it's a relief, because I don't much left to move this coming week. On the other hand, it's depressing and inconvenient as hell. I miss having a bed and sofa and dining room table. My television is currently propped up on two stacks of books with a board, and my bed consists of an air mattress on the floor. Leo, my sensitive cat, has taken to hiding under the claw-footed bathtub. Fanny, my precocious cat, has decided that knocking over random objects--such as glasses, nails, hammers, books--is an amusing game to play at 3am. Generally, it's a madhouse at my apartment.
So, with all of this going on, it's been harder than usual to focus on my weight loss journey. I am disappointed that I won't be hitting my goal weight in time for my last meeting in Richmond, but I know that I've come a long way, and it doesn't *really* matter that I'll leave my meeting being roughly 3 pounds from goal.
Living in Richmond has been such an amazing experience for me. I've lost weight, gotten healthy, built up my self confidence, made friends, and learned how to survive on my own two feet. I've grown a lot in the past two years, and I'm little anxious to leave the city that has helped me to accomplish so much. On the other hand, I know that it's not the place that has enabled me to do this--it's me. And I know that moving back home with a better job will enable me to grow professionally and economically. I just hope and pray that I'll be able to continue my healthy lifestyle without my own apartment and city. I hope that I won't be too lonely in Northern VA. I hope that I won't revert back to the old habits that made me 90 pounds overweight.
I don't think I will. I have enough faith in myself to know that it doesn't matter where I am, these changes are permanent. I'm excited and scared to start a new chapter in my life. I know that I've made the right decision, it's just hard to leave.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Katie Needs a Pep Talk
Today is my weigh in day. I am up two pounds on my scale and I anticipate a similar result for my official weigh in this afternoon. This is the second week in a row (I gained 0.2 last week) where I'm seeing a gain. I have wracked my brain for reasons to explain this.
Have I gorged on ice cream and cake? No. In fact, I turned down a slice of birthday cake yesterday.
Have I stopped exercising? No. I ran on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I also did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred on Saturday and did two Southern Bell workouts on Tuesday.
Have I stopped tracking points? Stopped weighing and measuring food? Nope, still using my measuring cups, still using my food scale.
Have I eaten within my points? Yes, I still had eleven remaining WPs and did not touch my APs.
Have I eaten a lot of fruit? Absolutely. I am in love with fruit right now. Yesterday, I had a banana with my oatmeal, strawberries with my lunch, a peach for a pre-dinner snack, and a mango with my RF ice cream. Yes, a lot of fruit. But hardly worth a 2 pound gain on the scale.
Have I eaten a lot of sodium? Not an unusual amount.
Is it that Time of the Month? Yes, it is. Can that explain a 2 pound gain? Yes, I suppose so.
There's a law called Occam's Razor that says, to paraphrase, the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one. Therefore, because my diet hasn't changed all that much in the past month or so, it makes more sense that TOM is the culprit for my unexpected gain.
Even though I feel mostly confident that my gain is a result of hormones not calories, it's hard to keep going when you follow the plan and see a gain two weeks in a row. I could get all dramatic, swear off Points+, storm around my apartment, and swear that for the next four months I'm going to live on nothing but black beans and oatmeal...but why? Having a temper tantrum will only irritate my neighbors (since I have a tendency to stomp my feet) and ensure that I'll annoy anyone who's willing to listen to me rant about the evil scale.
Instead, I think I'll go the opposite route and focus on what I have been doing right, non-scale victories so to speak.
Last weekend was a challenge, food wise, for me. I ended up going out on Friday night (for drinks), I went to a baseball game on Saturday, and I went to the epic Watermelon Festival on Sunday. Overall, I made really good food and exercise decisions. I limited my drinks on Friday, only had one light beer at the baseball game on Saturday (no soft pretzel), and only had fresh watermelon at the festival. I skipped many treats, including junk food at the baseball game and funnel cake at the Watermelon festival. I also did JM 30 Day Shred on Saturday and walked (roughly 1 mile) to the baseball game.
Throughout the weekend, I made the best choices I could, while still enjoying the activities I love.
This week has also been a challenge as I am actively apartment hunting, which has been fairly stressful since my lease is up September 1. I am proud to report that I exercised two days and I stayed within my Daily Points target every day. I didn't allow the stress of the move to sabotage my eating and I managed to squeeze in workouts (plus a yearly physical exam) into my unusually busy week.
All of this shows that I am learning how to juggle being healthy with the normal stresses of life.
So, my goal for today is to not lose sight of these positive victories when I go to weigh in this afternoon. I will not give my Weight Watchers receptionist evil eyes. I will not sulk and cry during the meeting. I will instead remain cool and focus on making this day a healthy one.
I know that if I continue to have healthy days, I will eventually hit goal.
Have I gorged on ice cream and cake? No. In fact, I turned down a slice of birthday cake yesterday.
Have I stopped exercising? No. I ran on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I also did Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred on Saturday and did two Southern Bell workouts on Tuesday.
Have I stopped tracking points? Stopped weighing and measuring food? Nope, still using my measuring cups, still using my food scale.
Have I eaten within my points? Yes, I still had eleven remaining WPs and did not touch my APs.
Have I eaten a lot of fruit? Absolutely. I am in love with fruit right now. Yesterday, I had a banana with my oatmeal, strawberries with my lunch, a peach for a pre-dinner snack, and a mango with my RF ice cream. Yes, a lot of fruit. But hardly worth a 2 pound gain on the scale.
Have I eaten a lot of sodium? Not an unusual amount.
Is it that Time of the Month? Yes, it is. Can that explain a 2 pound gain? Yes, I suppose so.
There's a law called Occam's Razor that says, to paraphrase, the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one. Therefore, because my diet hasn't changed all that much in the past month or so, it makes more sense that TOM is the culprit for my unexpected gain.
Even though I feel mostly confident that my gain is a result of hormones not calories, it's hard to keep going when you follow the plan and see a gain two weeks in a row. I could get all dramatic, swear off Points+, storm around my apartment, and swear that for the next four months I'm going to live on nothing but black beans and oatmeal...but why? Having a temper tantrum will only irritate my neighbors (since I have a tendency to stomp my feet) and ensure that I'll annoy anyone who's willing to listen to me rant about the evil scale.
Instead, I think I'll go the opposite route and focus on what I have been doing right, non-scale victories so to speak.
Last weekend was a challenge, food wise, for me. I ended up going out on Friday night (for drinks), I went to a baseball game on Saturday, and I went to the epic Watermelon Festival on Sunday. Overall, I made really good food and exercise decisions. I limited my drinks on Friday, only had one light beer at the baseball game on Saturday (no soft pretzel), and only had fresh watermelon at the festival. I skipped many treats, including junk food at the baseball game and funnel cake at the Watermelon festival. I also did JM 30 Day Shred on Saturday and walked (roughly 1 mile) to the baseball game.
Throughout the weekend, I made the best choices I could, while still enjoying the activities I love.
This week has also been a challenge as I am actively apartment hunting, which has been fairly stressful since my lease is up September 1. I am proud to report that I exercised two days and I stayed within my Daily Points target every day. I didn't allow the stress of the move to sabotage my eating and I managed to squeeze in workouts (plus a yearly physical exam) into my unusually busy week.
All of this shows that I am learning how to juggle being healthy with the normal stresses of life.
So, my goal for today is to not lose sight of these positive victories when I go to weigh in this afternoon. I will not give my Weight Watchers receptionist evil eyes. I will not sulk and cry during the meeting. I will instead remain cool and focus on making this day a healthy one.
I know that if I continue to have healthy days, I will eventually hit goal.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Then and Now
I remembered vaguely that I took a similar dressing room shot this time last year, and it turns out I was right. Here's a comparison pic!
I weighed roughly 200 pounds in the photo on the left and weigh roughly 155 pounds in the photo on the right.
Thanks to Beth for creating the side-by-side comparison photo!
I weighed roughly 200 pounds in the photo on the left and weigh roughly 155 pounds in the photo on the right.Thanks to Beth for creating the side-by-side comparison photo!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Delusional Thinking
Warning: This blog post may contain some paranoid thoughts. However, if you can't voice your own neuroses in your blog, what is the point of having one?
At this point in my weight loss journey, I feel weird about telling people I *only* have four pounds to lose until goal. I fully expect most people to glance at my undoubtedly imperfect figure and think, "Hmm...looks more like 20 to me." Of course, most people won't have the balls to say that; instead they'll grin and say, "Oh, that's great."
In the past, I've always had the opposite reaction. I remember telling my aunt and uncle (at the beginning of my weight loss journey) that I needed to lose 85 pounds. Their reaction was, "Certainly, not that much! That's crazy!"
I remember last summer when I finally broke into Onederland and I was 50-ish pounds from my goal weight. I was out with my then-boyfriend and one of his friends. I remember we were getting a little tipsy (it was around 2am) and my boyfriend decided to pick me up. I was so afraid that he'd realize right there and then that he was dating a "bigger girl" but he didn't flinch when he picked me up and set me down on the counter. I remember telling him soon afterward that I wanted to lose about 40 more pounds, and both my BF and his friend were skeptical--40 pounds, really?
They both didn't think I had that much to lose. I remember how wonderful that felt; for a moment I felt skinny.
So this weekend, I'm hanging out with my friend, smoking and listening to music. All of a sudden, I start wondering, "Why is he hanging out with me? Why would he hang out with a big girl? Doesn't he have anything better to do on a Friday night?" We decide to walk to the corner shop for some wine and I keep expecting the clerk to say something unpleasant to me, because WHO am I to be hanging out with a cute guy on a Friday night? But the clerk acts perfectly pleasant and even makes small talk with me. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the store camera and realize, "I'm not big. I look like a normal, attractive 20-something year old." All of a sudden, I realize that I'm not hideous.
But then the next day, I'm at my favorite coffee shop, talking to a few guys I know, and I feel the same sense of paranoia: I feel like the token fat girl in the room. I wonder why anyone would bother talking to me. I feel this insane urge to tell crazy, entertaining stories to compensate for my lack of attractiveness. But of course my shyness/ paranoia/ insanity is making it difficult for me to talk at all. Which makes everyone else act funny, which then validates my insane thoughts: They are acting weird towards me because I'm gross.
Instead of, They are acting weird towards me because I'm acting weird towards them. Which makes more sense in a rational world.
But, unfortunately, I do not necessarily live in a rational world.
Believe it or not, these feelings have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with reality. I weighed in on Thursday and I am 154--not FAT by any means. I went to the mall yesterday and fit into size 10 express pants and a size 8 Banana Republic skirt. Not fat, by any means. I went for a 3 mile run/ walk yesterday and I know that I couldn't have done that a year ago.
And yet, I allow the crazy part of my brain to run rampant.
I need to work on this. These feelings are completely and utterly negative and worthless. Would I think these thoughts about anyone else? No, never, not even if she weighed 400+ pounds. I think people are beautiful, regardless of their weight. Why then do I attack myself so rigorously?
Can anyone identify with this? And if you can, have you come up with any positive solutions?
At this point in my weight loss journey, I feel weird about telling people I *only* have four pounds to lose until goal. I fully expect most people to glance at my undoubtedly imperfect figure and think, "Hmm...looks more like 20 to me." Of course, most people won't have the balls to say that; instead they'll grin and say, "Oh, that's great."
In the past, I've always had the opposite reaction. I remember telling my aunt and uncle (at the beginning of my weight loss journey) that I needed to lose 85 pounds. Their reaction was, "Certainly, not that much! That's crazy!"
I remember last summer when I finally broke into Onederland and I was 50-ish pounds from my goal weight. I was out with my then-boyfriend and one of his friends. I remember we were getting a little tipsy (it was around 2am) and my boyfriend decided to pick me up. I was so afraid that he'd realize right there and then that he was dating a "bigger girl" but he didn't flinch when he picked me up and set me down on the counter. I remember telling him soon afterward that I wanted to lose about 40 more pounds, and both my BF and his friend were skeptical--40 pounds, really?
They both didn't think I had that much to lose. I remember how wonderful that felt; for a moment I felt skinny.
So this weekend, I'm hanging out with my friend, smoking and listening to music. All of a sudden, I start wondering, "Why is he hanging out with me? Why would he hang out with a big girl? Doesn't he have anything better to do on a Friday night?" We decide to walk to the corner shop for some wine and I keep expecting the clerk to say something unpleasant to me, because WHO am I to be hanging out with a cute guy on a Friday night? But the clerk acts perfectly pleasant and even makes small talk with me. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the store camera and realize, "I'm not big. I look like a normal, attractive 20-something year old." All of a sudden, I realize that I'm not hideous.
But then the next day, I'm at my favorite coffee shop, talking to a few guys I know, and I feel the same sense of paranoia: I feel like the token fat girl in the room. I wonder why anyone would bother talking to me. I feel this insane urge to tell crazy, entertaining stories to compensate for my lack of attractiveness. But of course my shyness/ paranoia/ insanity is making it difficult for me to talk at all. Which makes everyone else act funny, which then validates my insane thoughts: They are acting weird towards me because I'm gross.
Instead of, They are acting weird towards me because I'm acting weird towards them. Which makes more sense in a rational world.
But, unfortunately, I do not necessarily live in a rational world.
Believe it or not, these feelings have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with reality. I weighed in on Thursday and I am 154--not FAT by any means. I went to the mall yesterday and fit into size 10 express pants and a size 8 Banana Republic skirt. Not fat, by any means. I went for a 3 mile run/ walk yesterday and I know that I couldn't have done that a year ago.
And yet, I allow the crazy part of my brain to run rampant.
I need to work on this. These feelings are completely and utterly negative and worthless. Would I think these thoughts about anyone else? No, never, not even if she weighed 400+ pounds. I think people are beautiful, regardless of their weight. Why then do I attack myself so rigorously?
Can anyone identify with this? And if you can, have you come up with any positive solutions?
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