Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Rule Breaker

It may not come as a shock to you to learn that I'm not great at following rules. All you have to do is look at my flip flopping posts on the Weight Watchers plan to glean that I am pretty resistant to following a plan--even a respectable one like WWs--unless I 100% agree that the plan fits into my way of thinking.

I spent this past morning in traffic court among hundreds of other like-minded individuals--a.k.a the miscreants of society. During my four hour session in traffic court, I learned a few interesting facts about the rules of conduct in traffic court and life in general:

1. Apparently, it's not okay to read a novel in traffic court. I honestly thought that the court system would tolerate reading because (a) it's quiet and (b) shouldn't we be encouraging literacy among the nation's delinquents? So, I brought my book--a guilty pleasure by Rosamunde Pilcher (FYI--if you haven't read Shell Seekers you are missing out)--and commenced to read it while leaning against the wall. Just as I was getting comfortable, an angry looking policeman gestured wildly in my direction, pushing his hand down to mimic closing the book. He kept gesturing and making scary faces at me until I was forced to close my book. Strike one.

2. According to a stimulating case I overheard about a guy who got busted with cocaine and a concealed gun, Thursdays between 5 pm-7pm are a "drug running" time period. Here's why--people like to sell/ buy drugs for the weekend and rush hour is the best time to do those transactions without getting caught by the cops. Hmm...

3. I learned that carrying a bottle of corked wine does not mean you're carrying an open container of alcohol. This gem of information took 45 minutes to figure out. If you're curious about the reasoning...the judge said a corked bottle of wine did not constitute an open container of alcohol because restaurants routinely send people home with corked bottles of their unfinished wine. Thus, if upper class, law abiding folk do it legally, the same should apply for everyone--even scruffy, hipster college kids (i.e. the guy who got a ticket for walking home with a corked bottle of wine).

4. Apparently, talking (even whispering) is a huge no-no in the courtroom, even when the judge is making everyone wait an hour to discuss one case. I learned this the hard way, since I (and my partner in crime) were sternly asked to leave the courtroom and wait in the lobby by a not-so-friendly cop. Now, the cop may have thought this was a punishment, but from my perspective, it allowed me to talk as loudly as I liked and read my book in peace. Plus, I got to sit on a comfy couch as opposed to stand up against a wall. Score.

Well, that's about all the knowledge I acquired from my morning in court. In the end, I missed half a day of work and ended up having to pay $100 in fines. Not so much fun. On the bright side, I must have looked cute in my conservative court outfit because a fellow miscreant asked for my phone number. Unfortunately, the court cops were not so entranced by my beauty. In fact, one cop threatened to throw me in jail if I didn't stop talking, and I was JUST trying to tell him my name and spell out the letters. I mean, Photiadis doesn't exactly roll of the tongue, which is why I treated him like a four year old and said, P, as in popsicle, H, as in hat, O, as in octopus. He did not find that very amusing, and I didn't get past O.

Anyway, since this is a health blog and all, I figured I should mention this week's weigh in result. 173, baby! That is, if I'm reading my scale correctly. But my weight seems to be going in the right direction =) Well, that's it for now. Wish me luck on my drive home from work. I honestly don't think I'll survive another day in traffic court. Do you know those scenes from My Cousin Vinny, where the judge keeps throwing Vinny in jail for being in contempt of court? Well, I could definitely empathize with that this morning, so I thought I'd leave you with a few lines:

Judge Chamberlain Haller: I don't like your attitude.

Vinny Gambini: So what else is new?

Judge Chamberlain Haller: I'm holding you in contempt of court.

Vinny Gambini: [to Bill] Now there's a ****ing surprise.

Judge Chamberlain Haller: What did you say? What did you just say?

Vinny Gambini: Huh? What did I say?


  1. Your commentary on #3 is hilarious (and spot on).

  2. Wow i seriously love this post.

    My favorite part is learning that a corked bottle of wine does not count as an open bottle! Good to know.

  3. Katie, this is hilarious. I love it. And a big WTF about not being allowed to read in court!?! How rude.