I had a meltdown last night...only partially related to food. I'm not sure how to describe what happened, other than by saying I temporarily lost my mind.
My other sister G came to visit (the second familial visit in three days), and we drank a bottle of wine and then went to N's restaurant. That should have been just fine, but while we were there I started to feel really insecure about everything--my lack of knowledge of music, my lack of knowledge of "partying," and most of all my weight. I started to feel really fat and unattractive, and I haven't felt that way in a long time. I felt like I had gained back 50 pounds overnight. I kept noticing a huge pimple growing on my face, and my hair was a mess, and I haven't done laundry in 3 weeks, and the list goes on and on.
Of course, the more I craved attention and confirmation that I was not boring, fat, and unattractive, the more everyone--N, G, and N's friends ignored me. Or so I thought. In retrospect, I think I got really quiet and stopped smiling. I honestly tried to get a hold of myself, but I basically ruined the evening at least for myself, and possibly for N and G as well.
Well, the damage is done. And I have to keep reminding myself that no one is perfect, and occasionally I'm not going to act as my best self. The question today is, What can I do to feel more secure about myself and be a happier, healthier person?
1. Eat healthy. I have been in party mood these last few weeks and I've indulged in all sorts of treats--ice cream, pizza, soft pretzels, hot dogs, and copious amounts of alcohol--but at the end of the day eating badly makes me FEEL BAD. I need to cut out some of the junk, drink more water, get in more fruits and vegetables, and basically get back on the WW wagon.
2. Exercise more. Not only does exercise help you lose weight and strengthen your muscles, but it also helps your mood. I need all the endorphins I can get right now. I have seriously been slacking on the exercise front, so starting today I'm going to get back to it.
3. Get more sleep. Running on 3-4 hours of sleep per night is enough to make any sane person crazy. I need to get back to my typical 8 hours of sleep per night.
4. Make some "me" time. I need to focus on making myself happy--whether that's taking an evening to do some laundry or buying a new book for myself.
5. Take care of things. I need to make sure that I take care of the things that stress me out, such as paying parking tickets and making sure all my bills are paid on time.
I think if I can focus on these goals, I'll be moving in the right direction. Wish me luck.