First things first, I want to wish my mom a very happy birthday. It's a gorgeous day to celebrate turning 53 :)
I feel like I can barely write today, given how exhausted I am with work. I am a technical editor, and my job involves editing proposals that my company submits to the government/ private companies. My job is either super slow or crazy intense. This week I've been swamped with editing a 100 page technical document that has needed A LOT of work. I can barely see straight at this point, much less write coherently. So, forgive me if this post seems scattered.
Anyway, I'd like to touch base with my goals this week. I exercised four times (thereby hitting my goal of 3 times) and I stayed within my points. To be honest, there were a few days when I may have gone a bit under my points, but there were also days when I used my 35 extra points. So, as a result, I had my first BIG loss in months: 4.8 pounds!! It feels really good to make some significant progress on my goal.
Last night it hit me: I am only 35 pounds from a BMI healthy weight. While 35 pounds is a significant amount that will, likely, take me several months to lose, it's not that much weight. I mean, a lot of people need to lose 20-30 pounds...it's not a crazy amount of weight. And that means that I'm not that seriously overweight anymore.
Everyone has been telling me this. My parents, siblings, friends, guys that I date have all said/ implied that I'm not that big. But for some reason it's hard for me to believe. It's strange--when I was bigger I saw myself as smaller and was often shocked by photographs/ clothing sizes. And now that I'm smaller, I still feel like the biggest girl in the room. I mean, I'm not crazy, I know that I fit into smaller sizes and weigh less, but I still FEEL huge. I can't wait until this feeling goes away and I can just feel confident with my body.
But the sad truth is that these insecurities will not disappear as I lose weight. The weight loss helps, but I think it might take time, and possibly some therapy, to shed my insecurities once and for all.
I'd appreciate any feedback/ advice you guys can give me. It's a long road to becoming both physically and mentally healthy.