Friday, October 8, 2010

Recap of the Week

First things first, I want to wish my mom a very happy birthday. It's a gorgeous day to celebrate turning 53 :)

I feel like I can barely write today, given how exhausted I am with work. I am a technical editor, and my job involves editing proposals that my company submits to the government/ private companies. My job is either super slow or crazy intense. This week I've been swamped with editing a 100 page technical document that has needed A LOT of work. I can barely see straight at this point, much less write coherently. So, forgive me if this post seems scattered.

Anyway, I'd like to touch base with my goals this week. I exercised four times (thereby hitting my goal of 3 times) and I stayed within my points. To be honest, there were a few days when I may have gone a bit under my points, but there were also days when I used my 35 extra points. So, as a result, I had my first BIG loss in months: 4.8 pounds!! It feels really good to make some significant progress on my goal.

Last night it hit me: I am only 35 pounds from a BMI healthy weight. While 35 pounds is a significant amount that will, likely, take me several months to lose, it's not that much weight. I mean, a lot of people need to lose 20-30's not a crazy amount of weight. And that means that I'm not that seriously overweight anymore.

Everyone has been telling me this. My parents, siblings, friends, guys that I date have all said/ implied that I'm not that big. But for some reason it's hard for me to believe. It's strange--when I was bigger I saw myself as smaller and was often shocked by photographs/ clothing sizes. And now that I'm smaller, I still feel like the biggest girl in the room. I mean, I'm not crazy, I know that I fit into smaller sizes and weigh less, but I still FEEL huge. I can't wait until this feeling goes away and I can just feel confident with my body.

But the sad truth is that these insecurities will not disappear as I lose weight. The weight loss helps, but I think it might take time, and possibly some therapy, to shed my insecurities once and for all.

I'd appreciate any feedback/ advice you guys can give me. It's a long road to becoming both physically and mentally healthy.


  1. This post really hit home for me.

    I lost 70 pounds and half way through my loss (right where you are) my friends and I were out celebrating a bachelorette party.

    Getting ready in the hotel my much skinner friend said I should "borrow her shirt".

    I scoffed, thinking it some sort of "tell me i'm skinny plea" from her.

    But, it wasn't.

    She saw me as thin and wanted me to try on her shirt.

    I did, and it fit. And i cried. It hit me that my sense of self had not caught up with my weight loss. It eventually did, but i wanted you to know what you are feeling is normal!!!

  2. Wow, thank you for sharing your story. I can definitely relate, and I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one to experience this sort of disconnect. Thank you!

  3. I think it's pretty normal to have a hard time grasping the new you after you lose a significant amount of weight because its still you looking out through the same eyes. I wrote a post on Fat Girl Mentality a while ago, but I still struggle with it even though I've lost 80+ pounds!