***Disclaimer: I know this blog is supposed to be about health, but occasionally I'll stray from that topic***
I've honestly never been much of a dater. In high school, I had one boyfriend and it lasted for about two months. We watched movies together and made out in the back of his car. I didn't like him all that much but I liked the idea of a boyfriend--someone who brought me flowers, picked me up, and bought me dinner. Needless to say, it wasn't a very deep relationship. In college, I dated a few people during my freshmen year and those relationships were also short-lived and fairly superficial. And then I went on a long dating hiatus all the way from my sophomore year until graduate school. 3 years of nearly no dating.
I felt a little unattractive during that time and I didn't think anyone could like me. I weighed more than I ever had in my entire life and none of my clothes fit "right," and well frankly I felt like all of my friends were prettier and skinnier than me. I went to parties feeling self conscious and out of place and wouldn't talk to any guys. My friends would tell me that I was pretty, but I never believed them and would prefer to spend a night watching a movie with pizza rather than dressing up and hitting the bars.
Gradually, I got over this and started dating more in graduate school, even though I weighed more than I had in college. In retrospect, my weight wasn't really the issue that was holding me back from meeting guys; it was my perception of my weight problem. Then I moved to Richmond and developed a crush on an anti-social alcoholic who lived in my building (I know, I have awesome taste). He didn't like me "that way," but for some reason I craved his approval. I figured that if he liked me, I would be pretty/ cool/ etc...
I joined Weight Watchers in March totally randomly. Honestly, to this day, I can't explain what compelled me to join. The best thing I can come up with is this: I felt pretty good about my body and I had just spent an absurd amount of money on some new spring outfits at Lane Bryant. I think I felt good about myself and finally felt like I had the power to tackle my weight problem once and for all. And as soon as I joined, my life was transformed. I started spending my evenings at the gym as opposed to watching tv. I made friends with gym buddies. I stopped seeing the loser from my building, joined okcupid and started going on a million dates. I started to feel good about myself and made random friends everywhere I went--the gym, walking to my car, the coffee shop, the bookstore. I rekindled relationships with old friends and started going out to bars, concerts, movies, parties.
And that's when it happened...I became a serial dater. At one point last summer I was dating five guys at the same time. I eventually stopped using okcupid because I was finding enough people to date on my own. At nearly 200 pounds, I felt pretty and voluptuous--even though that was my same weight from my freshmen year of college. I learned how to flirt (gasp!) and I had many fun filled nights. I started dating a guy I really liked, and I realized how awesome relationships can be.
However, all this is an explanation for the punishment that I'm currently suffering. See, there is a problem with dating so many people in a small city--you can't escape them. Inevitably you'll run into ex-boyfriends everywhere--supermarkets, bars, friend's houses. And the worst case is when you date mutual friends. Which I stupidly have done. So, this weekend I attended two social events where I had to interact with two ex-boyfriends and their/ my friends. In one case, I was the pitied party and in the other I was the villain--not fun in either situation. And of course, I had to drink my weight in alcohol to combat the awkwardness =) Not to mention, I had two other ex-boyfriends drunk text me inappropriate messages. In other words, I'm under attack from the ex-boyfriends. And I just hope that I survive it.