Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Attack of the Ex-Boyfriends

***Disclaimer: I know this blog is supposed to be about health, but occasionally I'll stray from that topic***

I've honestly never been much of a dater. In high school, I had one boyfriend and it lasted for about two months. We watched movies together and made out in the back of his car. I didn't like him all that much but I liked the idea of a boyfriend--someone who brought me flowers, picked me up, and bought me dinner. Needless to say, it wasn't a very deep relationship. In college, I dated a few people during my freshmen year and those relationships were also short-lived and fairly superficial. And then I went on a long dating hiatus all the way from my sophomore year until graduate school. 3 years of nearly no dating.

I felt a little unattractive during that time and I didn't think anyone could like me. I weighed more than I ever had in my entire life and none of my clothes fit "right," and well frankly I felt like all of my friends were prettier and skinnier than me. I went to parties feeling self conscious and out of place and wouldn't talk to any guys. My friends would tell me that I was pretty, but I never believed them and would prefer to spend a night watching a movie with pizza rather than dressing up and hitting the bars.

Gradually, I got over this and started dating more in graduate school, even though I weighed more than I had in college. In retrospect, my weight wasn't really the issue that was holding me back from meeting guys; it was my perception of my weight problem. Then I moved to Richmond and developed a crush on an anti-social alcoholic who lived in my building (I know, I have awesome taste). He didn't like me "that way," but for some reason I craved his approval. I figured that if he liked me, I would be pretty/ cool/ etc...

I joined Weight Watchers in March totally randomly. Honestly, to this day, I can't explain what compelled me to join. The best thing I can come up with is this: I felt pretty good about my body and I had just spent an absurd amount of money on some new spring outfits at Lane Bryant. I think I felt good about myself and finally felt like I had the power to tackle my weight problem once and for all. And as soon as I joined, my life was transformed. I started spending my evenings at the gym as opposed to watching tv. I made friends with gym buddies. I stopped seeing the loser from my building, joined okcupid and started going on a million dates. I started to feel good about myself and made random friends everywhere I went--the gym, walking to my car, the coffee shop, the bookstore. I rekindled relationships with old friends and started going out to bars, concerts, movies, parties.

And that's when it happened...I became a serial dater. At one point last summer I was dating five guys at the same time. I eventually stopped using okcupid because I was finding enough people to date on my own. At nearly 200 pounds, I felt pretty and voluptuous--even though that was my same weight from my freshmen year of college. I learned how to flirt (gasp!) and I had many fun filled nights. I started dating a guy I really liked, and I realized how awesome relationships can be.

However, all this is an explanation for the punishment that I'm currently suffering. See, there is a problem with dating so many people in a small city--you can't escape them. Inevitably you'll run into ex-boyfriends everywhere--supermarkets, bars, friend's houses. And the worst case is when you date mutual friends. Which I stupidly have done. So, this weekend I attended two social events where I had to interact with two ex-boyfriends and their/ my friends. In one case, I was the pitied party and in the other I was the villain--not fun in either situation. And of course, I had to drink my weight in alcohol to combat the awkwardness =) Not to mention, I had two other ex-boyfriends drunk text me inappropriate messages. In other words, I'm under attack from the ex-boyfriends. And I just hope that I survive it.


  1. ha i love this post. I have never been big into dating - I've always moved from relationship to relationship. I do think you came to a good realization when you saw that you weren't meeting men because of your weight, but because of your own attitude towards your weight. Confidence is definitely one of the most attractive features!

  2. Looks like you've learned a valuable lesson. 5 guys at the same time is a little overboard haha :) But at least you realized what was really keeping you from meeting guys. Confidence really is attractive like Beth said!

  3. As I read this entry, all I could think was "Wait, did I write this?" I feel like I'm in your situation at least once per month, and am all too familiar with 'when flirting shamelessly goes wrong'.

    However, your realization about the 'confidence key' is extremely inspiring.