Let me preface this post by saying, I don't handle criticism very well. Nor do I take advice. Ever. Sorry, if you're disappointed. I'm very stubborn when I want to be.
And maybe it's because I'm the oldest child of four (who never had to take teasing or bullying) or maybe it's because I'm hyper sensitive, but I really don't respond well when people say things like, "You have a serious problem."
In fact, as an overweight teen, no one in my family was allowed to so much as comment on my weight gain. If one of my parents tried to start a discussion about getting healthy, I'd flip out, slam out of the house, and stomp around my neighborhood with music blasting through my iPod. To this day, people in my immediate family are legitimately afraid to comment on my weight (whether I lose or gain).
But, after my recent alcohol/ boy debacles, I have received a whirlwind of advice, judgment, and cautionary tales. I'm not sure how to take comments like this:
"You have a serious problem. But it's obvious that you don't care, because no matter how many times so many of us on this board say it, you never do anything about it."
First off, I'm a bit surprised that my posts on my blog and the WW Message Boards would inspire such a passionate response. In fact, I'll admit it--a part of me is secretly delighted. It's nice to know that people read your blog and care enough to comment.
On the other hand, as I've moved past my initial elation, I'm slightly disheartened by this person's view of my character.
Am I a total screw-up? Well, here are the facts: I have lost over 60 pounds in the past nine months, I have a decent job (in my field), I have both an undergraduate and graduate degree from good schools, I rent my own apartment, own my own car, and have two adorable cats. I also have some very good friends.
I also sometimes drink too much, occasionally smoke cigarettes and struggle with binge eating. I also struggle with low self esteem and sometimes put myself into bad situations. I am working on these things. Does that mean I have a serious problem? Well, define "serious." How many 25 year-olds occasionally drink too much? How many fellow WWers occasionally struggle with binge eating? How many other women struggle with low self esteem?
On the other hand, I don't think my blog would be nearly as interesting if I was completely perfect. In fact, I'm pretty sure people would be bored out of their minds. The beauty lies in imperfection, as the poet Wallace Stevens would say.
I'm not perfect--that's for sure. But I'm slowly but surely making my way towards being a healthier, more confident Katie. And on that note, I'd like to quickly share my success from yesterday. I tracked my points (yay!), did not drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes, and went to bed at a reasonable hour. I also cleaned my apartment and took care of my car registration. I weigh in today, and once again I have absolutely no clue as to what the verdict will be. I'll let you know tomorrow.