Thursday, January 20, 2011

Beauty Lies in Imperfection

Let me preface this post by saying, I don't handle criticism very well. Nor do I take advice. Ever. Sorry, if you're disappointed. I'm very stubborn when I want to be.

And maybe it's because I'm the oldest child of four (who never had to take teasing or bullying) or maybe it's because I'm hyper sensitive, but I really don't respond well when people say things like, "You have a serious problem."

In fact, as an overweight teen, no one in my family was allowed to so much as comment on my weight gain. If one of my parents tried to start a discussion about getting healthy, I'd flip out, slam out of the house, and stomp around my neighborhood with music blasting through my iPod. To this day, people in my immediate family are legitimately afraid to comment on my weight (whether I lose or gain).

But, after my recent alcohol/ boy debacles, I have received a whirlwind of advice, judgment, and cautionary tales. I'm not sure how to take comments like this:

"You have a serious problem. But it's obvious that you don't care, because no matter how many times so many of us on this board say it, you never do anything about it."

First off, I'm a bit surprised that my posts on my blog and the WW Message Boards would inspire such a passionate response. In fact, I'll admit it--a part of me is secretly delighted. It's nice to know that people read your blog and care enough to comment.

On the other hand, as I've moved past my initial elation, I'm slightly disheartened by this person's view of my character.

Am I a total screw-up? Well, here are the facts: I have lost over 60 pounds in the past nine months, I have a decent job (in my field), I have both an undergraduate and graduate degree from good schools, I rent my own apartment, own my own car, and have two adorable cats. I also have some very good friends.

I also sometimes drink too much, occasionally smoke cigarettes and struggle with binge eating. I also struggle with low self esteem and sometimes put myself into bad situations. I am working on these things. Does that mean I have a serious problem? Well, define "serious." How many 25 year-olds occasionally drink too much? How many fellow WWers occasionally struggle with binge eating? How many other women struggle with low self esteem?

On the other hand, I don't think my blog would be nearly as interesting if I was completely perfect. In fact, I'm pretty sure people would be bored out of their minds. The beauty lies in imperfection, as the poet Wallace Stevens would say.

I'm not perfect--that's for sure. But I'm slowly but surely making my way towards being a healthier, more confident Katie. And on that note, I'd like to quickly share my success from yesterday. I tracked my points (yay!), did not drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes, and went to bed at a reasonable hour. I also cleaned my apartment and took care of my car registration. I weigh in today, and once again I have absolutely no clue as to what the verdict will be. I'll let you know tomorrow.


  1. First off, I'm glad that you had such a healthy day yesterday! :-)

    Secondly, I think that you HAVE accomplished a lot. Like people tell me all the time, you've lived a lot for someone so young!

    Lastly, I hope that you took my comment on your (pulled) blog entry the way that I intended it: as a personal horrible experience with getting drunk going badly. I didn't mean to judge you or to give you advice, other than: be careful!

    I care about you, and I'm glad that you are getting healthy. :-)

  2. Leah, I definitely took your comment the way you intended it. And I really appreciate that you shared the story with me. I had to pull the blog because it was a tad inappropriate for a public space.


  3. I think that may be you should refrain from posting things like drunken mistakes or bad choices in your personal life from the Weight Watchers message board if you don't like the responses. Post them on your blog if you feel this is a good venue, but if you don't like the response that seems like the logical next step.

    You say you don't take advice, and you don't like comments to be made against you, then why put yourself out there on a public message board? If you don't want the responses, then seriously why do it? You say you are "Secretly Delighted" about the comments because of someone being so passionate in their response to your story. It comes across to all of us as immature and attention seeking.

    My opinion and advice, in which you will ignore and not take anyways.

  4. BeBe - I think you speak for just about everyone on the WW board. I was a big fan of Katie's until the attention seeking started.

    I don't think anyone expects you to be perfect Katie but when you post things like you have on your blog or on the WW boards you are going to get feedback. If you don't want feedback then don't post it. I would think there is a way to edit your settings on this blog so no one can post if thats what you want. Although I think you like the feedback no matter if its negative or positive.

    You have come a long way in your WLJ. I hope you can get the rest of your life in order as well. Best of luck to you.