Day 1

One thing I've learned today is that there is never an ideal time to start a diet. And if you keep on waiting for the right time, you'll never make the change. So far, my first day has been a little rockier than I anticipated, but I've managed to stay on plan, so that's good.

I ate one packet of instant oatmeal with a sliced banana for breakfast and planned on grabbing Subway for lunch after my weigh in at noon. But unfortunately at 11am, my supervisor announced that the whole office was having a mandatory lunch meeting at 11:45 with pizza. There went my healthy plans.

When I walked into the meeting, I was informed by the VP that my company won a new contract, but that most staff members were going to have to take pay cuts. Then the VP said that we'd all have to sign our new offer letters by the end of the day. So of course everyone was anxious to see the new letters. But before handing them out, the VP insisted that everyone eat pizza and enjoy their lunch.

So, not only did I have to wait 30 minutes to get my offer letter, but I had to watch everyone else eat pizza while my stomach rumbled. Now, of course I could have had a slice (or two) of pizza, but it was my first day being healthy and I didn't want to wreck it and then procrastinate for another week. So, instead, I drank a diet coke and waited for the verdict.

Thankfully, I did not receive a pay cut. As soon as I got the letter, I drove over to Subway and got a turkey sandwich and baked chips. And I'm going to weigh in at a different meeting at 4:30pm, and I'll let you know of the verdict later. So far so good with Day 1 of healthy eating.

Bloated Whale

Hello everyone. I've returned from my trip! This is a picture I took with my phone of Sanibel Island at dusk. It doesn't really capture how beautiful it was on the island because I took the picture with my phone, but it does give you a sense of the place.

Sooo...it's been difficult to get back to the blog since I returned on Sunday, because I feel like a huge hypocrite writing a health blog, as I stuff my face with chocolate chip cookies and whatever else I can get my hands on. But here's the truth--I'm not perfect. And right now I've completely lost my mind and have been eating terrible food for the past few weeks and barely exercising at all because I feel like a bloated whale. And honestly all the junk food and excessive eating makes me feel UNWELL and unfit to exercise.

Let me try to explain what happened. Prior to the trip, I was struggling with controlling my bad food cravings and feeling pretty low energy due to the short days, stress at work, etc. Then I went on the trip and I gave myself a free pass to eat everything I wanted in whatever quantity I wanted. Of course, I still felt guilty after I would eat past a level of contentment, but then I'd wake up starving and the cycle would repeat the next day. In some ways, this put a bit of a damper on my otherwise perfect trip.

And then I got home from the trip feeling bloated and gross and what do you think I did? I baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies (my specialty) and consumed the entire thing while watching a season of Gray's Anatomy. Of course, I mixed the food up with macaroni and cheese, microwave pizza, and bagels with cream cheese. By the way, the sixth season of Gray's Anatomy is pretty engaging, if you ask me.

So, this is the deal. I feel like I gained 100 pounds and I don't feel attractive at all. Which is making me want to hide from everyone I know, especially the numerous ex-boyfriends who live in a one mile radius from my house. My face is also breaking out due to all the gross food I've been eating. Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself--I'll admit it. And what does this feeling lead to...more cookies and more Gray's Anatomy. Bad, bad!

Okay, what would the former Katie do in this situation? I know that 2.5 weeks of bad eating will not ruin my weight loss journey and that I need to get back on track asap. At the moments, my pants still fit despite the bloat and I can still button my shirts. I have not gained 60 pounds in the past few weeks and I am not back to where I started. Now, on the other hand, if I continue to delay, it's very likely that I will regain the weight I lost and maybe even more. I don't want to be that nonathletic, seriously overweight person ever again.

So now is the time. It's time to clean out the kitchen, buy healthy foods, weigh in, start exercising, and jump on the bandwagon again.

But I think I'll start tomorrow after I enjoy my last meal of macaroni and cheese and peanut m&ms. Wish me luck =)

Leaving for Florida!

Well folks, I'm leaving for Florida for the week. Can't say I'm going to worry too much about healthy eating on this vacation. I'll be back on the 26th and will start up again then!

Bye bye!

No Weigh In Today

I was actually going to weigh in today, despite being somewhat off track this week. But then it decided to snow in Richmond. Forecasters are predicting 3-5 inches of snow. Now, I'm not really afraid of snow--I survived a winter in Syracuse, NY after all--but I really didn't want to risk getting in an accident two days before my vacation. Especially since my tires are low on air and my car is really bad in the snow and I have a 30 minute commute. So when a coworker offered to drive me to and from work, I jumped on the opportunity. And now I'm stuck at work, sans car, so I guess I'm not going to weigh in. But it's also likely that the meeting this afternoon will be cancelled due to snow, as well.

On the bright side, this allowed me to eat a yummy (and large) breakfast of oatmeal and tea this morning. Last night, I went back to my Zumba class and then had a fairly light dinner of a baked sweet potato with butter and marshmallows and a large glass of wine. This morning, I felt pretty hungry, so I'm glad that I didn't have to fast until noon =)

But I haven't gotten out from weighing in, completely. I've been weighing myself (fully clothed/ with sneakers) on the gym scale at the end of the day. The scale is actually showing me pretty positive results. It looks like I'm down to my original low--around 176 pounds. And I'm okay with that.

I leave for vacation tomorrow and I'm not going to count points or be overly concerned with being healthy. I haven't had a week off in over a year, so I'm just going to focus on having a good time and getting in some exercise. And then when I get back home from vacation, I'm going to buy a scale and weigh myself in the mornings.

Christmas Party Success...Maybe...

I went to my annual Christmas luncheon, knowing that I could eat anything I wanted. I know that if I was really obsessed about being healthy, I could have smuggled in a Subway sandwich. But I decided, in the spirit of relaxing my urge to diet, to just attend the party, eat reasonably, and try to have an okay time.

When I got there, however, I wished that I had smuggled in a turkey sandwich. The food consisted of the following: soggy, greasy green beans, odd colored mashed potatoes, fried chicken, grainy roast beef, corn salad (which actually looked fairly edible) and a ton of desserts. So, yeah, I didn't really want to waste the calories on such unappetizing food. But on the other hand, I couldn't be completely rude (I was sharing a table with the CEO and VP of the company) so I took a reasonable plate of green beans, roast beef, a small roll, and the corn salad.

As I was walking to my seat, one of the senior employees loudly shouted, "That's not on your diet, is it Katie?"

Did I mention how much I love the employees at my company? Haha, needless to say, I walked past him and didn't feel one bit guilty about my plate of food. Then I proceeded to make small talk about the weather and traffic tickets and eat maybe four bites of food plus the entire mini roll. And I drank two cups of strong coffee with cream.

And then I got back to the office and had an apple with peanut butter and an english muffin with butter. A few people commented on my second lunch, but I just smiled and said 'I'm a hungry girl.' =)

Swimming

I think that swimming may very well be the most underrated physical activity that there is. For the past few months, as my gym constructed the new swimming pool, I was excited to get in and start swimming relaxed (cough cough) laps for at least an hour or so.

Dream on.

Yesterday evening, I got in the pool and started to swim laps of freestroke and instantly realized that swimming is way harder than I had thought. It's especially hard to balance getting out of breath from physical exertion with literally being out of breath from being underwater. If that makes any sense. I swam for what I thought was a half an hour and then looked at the clock--it had only been 7 minutes. After that I decided to alternate freestyle, breaststroke, and backstroke to make the laps more doable. I think I managed to swim for about 25 minutes, with a few second breaks after each lap. It was hard work, cardio wise.

Anyway, it was a very nice change from running, even if it was harder than I expected. It felt really nice to get in the pool and feel light as a feather. I think I'm going to have to buy a stopwatch so that I can know exactly how long I've been swimming/ running.

Then I went home and cooked a nice dinner of breaded chicken breasts with lemon, baked sweet potato with a few marshmallows, and peas with a little bit of butter (to have something green on the table). And then I also drank a good sized glass of red wine. I also managed to weigh myself on the gym scale, and like I thought, I'm up one pound. Oh well. One pound does not equal three double chins and a higher size in pants. And probably some of it (at least) is water weight. So, I'm not going to fret about the binge/ binge gain.

I love trying new activities, but not eating plans, lol.Today, I'm set on getting in a run (hopefully another 3 miler--in the gym of course) and I'm thinking of grabbing Subway for lunch. Dinner is still up in the air, although I might use my leftover chicken to make a nice chicken salad. Happy Tuesday everyone.

With a little help from my friends...

Thank you everyone for all the advice and support you've given me today. I e-mailed Monica, who writes the blog Run, Eat, Repeat and she gave me some great advice:

"It sounds like your body and your mind are both a little burnt out from being on WW for so long. The combination of not losing and the breakdown at a meeting are sending you a message - maybe you need to take a step back for a few weeks? I know that's super scary to even think about because you don't want to gain it back. But, you really do need to respect your body's signals if you want these to be life long changes.

'I don't know what to eat in order to maintain my weight.' - Maybe your head doesn't know, but I bet your body does. If you eat too much you'll feel super full and if you don't eat enough you'll still be hungry. So, it's unlikely you'll eat enough to gain 10 pounds in 2 weeks. Remember one pound is 3500 calories - that is a lot of extra food to eat to gain that much!"

So, for now, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to continue to exercise and I'm going to respect my body's hunger signals. I'm not going to count points, but I am going to be conscious of what I'm eating. Case in point, today I had oatmeal with banana for breakfast and a large salad for lunch, consisting of the following: beets, lettuce, spinach, green pepper, a spoonful of blue cheese, 1/4 cup edemame, a hardboiled egg, and 1/4 cup chopped turkey and some fat free dressing. I have no clue how many points that was, but it was yummy and contained lots of healthy foods. Tonight, I'm going to have some chicken and a sweet potato with butter. I might also indulge in a glass of red wine.

I had a good conversation with my dad, and we both agreed that I know how to live healthy and that I don't need to obsess over points. I'm also going to get in some exercise--either Body Pump or swimming in the new pool. Happy Monday everyone.

The Good and the Bad

I'm trying not to beat myself up about this weekend, so I'm going to start out with the good news.

I ran 3 miles with my friend Kerrianne in 33 minutes on Saturday morning. Exactly an 11 minute mile. That's the fastest I've run yet, and I'm proud of myself for that accomplishment.

The bad...I had a major food meltdown this weekend. You'd think that after running 3 miles, I'd be more conscious about my food choices. But nope, I completely let myself eat like crap for a day and a half. I'm embarrassed to write this post, especially since I've been so determined to live in a healthy way. I hate that I let binging sabotage my progress.

Here's the thing, I'm pretty sure that I struggle with seasonal depression. As the days get shorter, it gets harder and harder for me to be social. I start to think illogical thoughts--like I'm too fat and ugly to go out. And then I feel the urge to stay in and eat, which only makes me feel fatter. It's especially hard since I live alone and can literally spend an entire day in my pjs, on the couch, watching a dumb tv show series, and eating ice cream out of the carton. That was yesterday for me. I am embarrassed about this and it's hard for me to write about it publicly. But maybe someone out there can relate to this struggle.

Today, I woke up determined not to feel bad about myself. My size 14 dress pants still feel loose. I have not gained back much weight from 1.5 days on binging. I still was able to run 3 miles on Saturday. My binge has not wiped out all my progress. I have to keep telling myself this. Because in my head, I feel like I have grown three double chins, a huge belly, and can't even run a lap. In my head, I feel like I weigh 240 pounds.

So anyway, I'm at a loss of what to do. If I were on the message boards, I know that fellow WWers would tell me to get back on track starting NOW. They'd encourage me to go to the gym and eat healthy for today. So, that's exactly what I'm going to do. I already ate a healthy bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and I packed my gym clothes in the car. HOWEVER, I honestly am really mixed about this new WW program. I hate looking up the foods and weighing and measuring everything.

It's making me obsess about food. Which can sometimes lead me to binge. I really need to find a balance that works with me. I know that WW can work (and has worked for me in the past) but now I am facing a new challenge: winter and seasonal depression. I'm not feeling all that confident in my ability to manage that. Hmm...the worst possible thing would be to gain back the weight I have lost. I'm afraid that I already gained about a pound from this weekend's craziness, but a pound is not the end of the world. I feel this urge to start fresh as of now.

I think I'm going to consider taking the antidepressant and taking this journey one day at a time. Today, I'm not going to track my points, per say. I'm just going to focus on eating moderately healthy meals and no snacks (including dessert). I'm also going to get in some kind of a workout after work. Wish me luck. I've lost some confidence in myself this weekend, and I could really use some encouragement.

A little bit of faith...

I feel kind of sheepish for writing this post, but here goes. I'm going to stick to the new WW system--at least for a while.

After getting a full night of sleep last night (for the first time in a while), I rationally thought about this situation more this morning. How would I continue to go to meetings and use WW E-tools if I went by my own system? Essentially, I'd be paying $40 to get weighed in every week. Kind of a lot. Especially for a broke college graduate such as myself.

So, I went back to the WW office, armed with my weekly tracker and spoke for about 45 minutes with a different leader there. She was much more sympathetic and told me that, from the looks of my tracker, I was doing EVERYTHING right and the fruit I was eating should not have caused a gain. And then we talked about other factors (my previous big weight loss, water retention, etc) and we decided that my weight gain was probably not related to my performance last week. In other words, it's likely that I would have seen a similar result had I been doing to old Points system last week.

So, I'm going to have a little faith. WW would not design a program that makes you GAIN weight when you follow it. No way. That would be a terrible business model, for one thing. And it doesn't make sense. The last system worked well for me and I suspect that this one will too. One thing that has been bugging me is the "cost" of wine and processed foods, such as ice cream and bread. It was really hard to incorporate them when I tried to stick within my DPs. So, I'm going to use all the points at my disposal so that I can comfortably drink a glass of wine a night or have an ice cream sandwich. Feeling deprived only leads to quitting.

Here's the real thing. In the past few months, this blog has been a little too focused on losing weight, rather than the true purpose of my blog--getting healthy. Eating fruits and vegetables is HEALTHY and so is exercise and eating yummy foods in moderation. So from now on, I'm going to try to spend less time worrying about whether I lose weight and more time trying to lead a healthy and happy life. I've already lost a bunch of weight and I know that I already look good. Yes, losing the remaining 26 pounds will be a great accomplishment, but it's more important to try to make this a lifestyle change.

There are about a million fad diets that would help me to lose this remaining 25 pounds in a few months--including starvation diets, pills, etc...But is losing 25 pounds more important than being healthy and happy? No. And I want to lose this last chunk of weight in a sustainable way so that I can keep it off for the long run.

And I'm REALLY going to work on staying calm on my WI day. I promise.

Another 5K!

I have decided to run the Richmond Toys for Tots 5K tomorrow with my friend Kerrianne. Like the last 5K, I need to make sure to prepare.

1. I need to find out where exactly the race is/ how to get there.

2. I need to do laundry and make sure my race clothing is clean!

3. I need to eat a good diet today and make sure to get in some carbs ;) Yum. Love my carbs =)

4. I'm taking a complete rest day from working out.

5. I need to stop by the toy store to buy a toy and/ or bring $10 to the race =)

On another note, my first day on "my plan," which is essentially the same as WW's old plan, went pretty well. I went out with friends after dinner for some wine and actually had enough points to spare. My body seems to like eating 27 points a day.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

My Own Way

I've been following WW for the past 8 months and have had great successes. But lately my weigh ins have been a little unpredictable and I haven't been losing as much as I would like by following the WW system. Case in point, my 4.2 loss after Thanksgiving was actually when I went off the plan over the holiday.

Today, after following the new WW plan this past week, I gained 0.6 pounds. Now, I know that's not a lot and I know that my weight could have fluctuated for any number of reasons. But, on the other hand, it's disheartening to diet and exercise for a week and actually gain weight. When I burst into tears in the reception area, my WW Leader suggested that the reason I gained was because I'm not getting enough dairy. Now, I'm no medical expert by any means--but COME ON. For one thing, I actually consumed more dairy this week than I typically to. But more importantly, dairy consumption shouldn't have much of an impact on weight loss. It never has had any impact for me in the past. After my WW Leader made that statement, I asked the logical question: Could the increased amount of fruit I was eating (it doubled) have impacted my weight loss? She said no.

I left the meeting feeling more frustrated than ever--feeling like I'd never get a handle on my weight loss. I got back to my desk at work and, on a whim, looked up the calories of the fruit I was consuming for "free." Well, I was roughly eating 300-400 calories every day in fruit and not counting it. I may not be a scientist, but yeah I think that might have had something to do with my 0.6 gain.

So, with the help of my very patient dad (who also happens to be a scientist) and LiveStrong.com, I have devised a new variation of the WW plan that I intend to follow. Here's the deal:

-LiveStrong.com (a health and fitness site) says I need 1350 calories a day in order to lose roughly 2 pounds of weight each week. SparkPeople confirms this.

-Now, I recognize that it would be too much of a challenge to shift my thinking to calories from points.

-However, the old WW system is roughly a calorie counting system, by which 50 calories = 1 point. Therefore, if I convert the calories to points, I should be eating 27 points a day (under the old system).

My new plan is to follow the old WW system and set my daily points target for 27, as opposed to 24 (as I would get if I switched back). In addition, since I feel that I need some wiggle room, I have decided to give myself 11 additional points a week(35-21). (I got 21 from multiplying the 3 additional points I'm eating per day by 7.) I'm also going to try to follow the GHGs and get in 5 servings of fruits/ vegetables, lean proteins, healthy oils, and dairy. So, to sum up, I'm basically going back to the old WW plan, but I'm going to give myself a little more to eat each day. And, when it comes to APs, I'm going to use them the same day that I earn them so that I never consume less than 1350 calories per day.

Needless to say, I am super relieved to return back to my old points. English muffins will go back to being 2 points, as will my skinny cow ice creams. More importantly, 27 points seems like a totally reasonable amount of points each day.

Now, I know a lot of people would advise me to give the new plan more of a chance. But honestly, I'm not thrilled that wine/ beer has doubled in points (while our DPs and WPs have not doubled) and I don't think it's a good idea that fruit is free (for me, since I tend to overdo it with "free" items).

It's actually empowering to know that I can change my plan so that it works with my lifestyle and my goals. For the time being, I will continue to attend my WW meetings, but I'm also feeling a bit unsure of whether it's a good idea to weigh myself once a week. I'd probably be happier if I weighed myself every other week.

As I've said in the past, this is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and it's important to do what's best for myself. This blog is called Katie's Way to Healthy for a reason.

And I want to give my way a shot.

Running Hurdles

After my 5K on Thanksgiving, I was euphoric because I had discovered that I actually enjoyed running outside. I remember hitting the 3 mile mark of the race and thinking, "I could keep doing this for a while." Haha, saying that I could run "forever" would be pushing it, even in my state of exhilaration. After the race, my shins felt a little sore, but that was it--I felt fine. And then two days after the race, I had another great 2.5 mile run with my dad, where I barely even got out of breath. At that point, I decided I wanted to be a runner and started to plan for a 10K in the spring.

Since then, I have become somewhat disheartened about my dreams of becoming a runner. Here is what has happened:

1. I chose to start running outside at the end of November/ early December. While I technically live in the South (Richmond, VA) it still gets pretty cold this time of year.

2. I have a full time job that requires me to be at work (or on transit to work) from 7am-5pm. And this time of year it gets dark at exactly 5pm.

3. I am overweight and my knees can definitely feel the extra pounds. My right knee in particular has been stiff and sore after my runs.

4. I live in the city and it feels a tad bit unsafe to run by myself in the dark. Not to mention, it's a little easier to get hit by a car.

5. This is the biggest set-back: this morning I had an asthma attack in the middle of my run. (Note: I haven't had any asthma symptoms in years and was not carrying an inhaler.) I basically had to walk a mile home very, very slowly. I did some research and apparently cold air can bring on Exercise Induced Asthma.

Okay, I know that I can brainstorm some solutions to my hurdles. For one thing, I can take the inhaler before I run. I can wear warmer clothes. And I can (maybe) run outside near my work, so that I can fit in my run at 4:30 pm, as opposed to 5pm. I can also plan to run at least one day during the weekend. Worse case scenario, I can obviously go back to the gym and run on the treadmill/ work out on the elliptical.

How do all you runners/ outside exercisers deal with the hurdles of winter?

Oh, and by the way, I know I'm the most contrary person in the world. Of course, I decided to work out indoors during the beautiful months of the spring and summer, and now I want to run outside during the fall/ winter. I can't help it--it's just who I am. For example, in high school, I insisted on wearing dress pants. Now that I have a professional job, I own (at least) seven pairs of jeans and two pairs of dress pants.

I should have been named Mary =)

Society's Opinion of WW

On Friday, I was talking about the new WW plan with a coworker, who is also doing WWs, and a different coworker, an elderly man, overheard our conversation and said something along the lines of, "I can't believe you waste your money on something stupid like that."

Well, that ticked me off. So I simply told him that WW has enabled me to make some positive changes in my life and helped me to lose a good amount of weight. His response: "Well, if you hadn't let yourself get so big, you wouldn't of had that problem."

Now, I realize that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, and that many people (particularly healthy people) might think that spending $40 a month on a program that essentially teaches you how to eat right/ exercise is a waste of money.

But at the same time, WW is not some diet gimmick that claims it can make you lose weight fast with little effort/ lifestyle changes. Instead, WW helps you to slowly change your eating and exercising habits to become a healthy person. As someone who has struggled with weight issues for most of my life, I can tell you that change is difficult. You don't simply wake up one morning and decide that you're doing to eat healthy from now on. Instead, you need a manageable plan (along with a strong support system) to help you achieve a healthy lifestyle.

Prior to joining WW, there were so many mornings where I would wake up with a dry mouth and feeling disgusted with what I ate the night before. Those mornings, I'd swear to eat healthy for the rest of the day. So, I'd eat lightly for the morning and afternoon, only to binge at night and repeat the same cycle the next day. WW helped me to change those habits, by setting small, attainable goals. I started out trying to eat 1-2 servings of fruits and vegetables a day and to go to the gym twice a week. Now, nearly eight months later, I generally eat 5-6 servings of fruits and vegetables a day and workout 4-5 times a week. But that didn't happen overnight.

Real change is incredibly difficult to accomplish. And for those of us trying to transform from junk-food addicts/ couch potatoes to healthy eaters/ athletes, we can use all the help we can get. Even if that means spending $40 a month to attend meetings, get weighed in, and use WW's e-tools.

Some New Progress Pics

Thanks for all the wonderful support and praise yesterday. It's such a good feeling to hit a few goals. So far, I have lost over 60 pounds (check!), gotten into the 170 decade(check!), and moved to an overweight bmi (check!) Of course I have more weight to lose and I have more fitness goals to accomplish, but it feels good to be moving forward towards my goal.

HOWEVER, even though things are going well, I know that this WLJ is not nearly over and I still look chubby--but oh so much smaller than before. On that note, here are some current progress pics. Yes, I know that I'm obsessed with my blue and gray sweater =) Thanks to my cousin Natalie for taking the photos and uploading them on Facebook!

Me and my sister Gena at Thanksgiving dinner.



The three girls at Thanksgiving dinner--Katie, Sara (sister), and Natalie (cousin)


Katie today, standing by the work Christmas tree. Yup, I'm a little sleepy from waking up at 5:30 am for my 2.25 mile jog.


Just for kicks, Katie last year standing beside the work Christmas tree.

And the Verdict is...

Down 4.2 pounds!! I'm so excited right now. It's been a rough few weeks, with fairly small scale losses, and I'm so happy to see a big loss! I'm a little sleepy from some debauchery last night, but I'll be sure to expand on this more tomorrow. One thing I have to mention--according to BMI, I am in the OVERWEIGHT category, not obese. That is a major victory for me =)

Fighting the "Diet Mentality"

Okay, I am starting to get used to the new WW plan. This morning, I had the most scrumptious oatmeal EVER. It included the following: one package of instant oatmeal, 1 sliced banana (0 points now!), 1 tablespoon of peanut butter, and 1 tablespoon of chocolate chips. I heated the oatmeal up first with the banana, oats and water for about 1:30 in the microwave, and then I added the peanut butter and chocolate chips for about 30 seconds. The result--pure joy =) Plus it kept me full much longer than usual. Under the new system, this breakfast was about 7 points.

Sometimes I still get stuck in the "diet" mentality, where I feel self conscious about eating delicious things. For instance, last night I made my dad's AMAZING chinese chicken and broccoli. The meal consisted of 1 cup of brown rice (I actually bought the single serving rice so there could be no eyeballing), roughly 2 cups of broccoli and about .40 ounces of chopped chicken. It was DIVINE. But it made a huge plate of food--because of the broccoli. And I thought to myself, how can I possibly lose weight when I'm eating so much delicious food? At the same time, the logical part of my brain knows that 1 cup of brown rice and .40 ounces of chicken are not unreasonably large servings. Similiarly, my indulgent breakfast this morning wasn't really that crazy. In fact, both meals were nutritious and easily fit into my new 29 point day.

Sometimes, I think my idea (pre-WW) of dieting doesn't quite match up to the reality of living a healthy lifestyle. Look at any food blog you want--Beth's Journey to Thin, Run Eat Repeat, Kath Eats, and others--and you'll find that these incredibly healthy/ active women love eating and, more often than not, end up eating delicious, reasonably large portions of mostly healthy foods. They also exercise quite consistently. The diet mentality that some people in my family subscribe to--i.e. yogurt for breakfast, a skimpy salad for lunch, and a tiny piece of chicken for dinner--is NOT the norm amongst the food bloggers of this generation. Instead, we're creating oatmeal bowls, sweet potato fries, risotto with vegetables, homemade pizzas and chilis, corn muffins...the list goes on and on...Most of these bloggers, including myself, also strive to make activity a major part of their lives.

The bottom line is that each meal I eat now should be scrumptious and satisfying because this is not a diet--it's a lifestyle. Why shouldn't I enjoy food and feel full, even though I'm not at my goal weight? I need to shake this bizarre sense of guilt once and for all. Oatmeal with a sprinkle of chocolate chips does not make one fat. And neither does a stir fry with 2 cups of broccoli.

After all, prior to joining WW, there were days when I would eat ice cream for breakfast. But I have to say, I prefer my oatmeal+peanut butter+banana+chocolate chip combination.

Ran a 5K!

This time last year, I could never imagined that I would be able to run a 5K. But on Thanksgiving morning, bright and early, I woke up and ran 3.2 miles outside without walking. My time was 35:23 and my average mile was 11:24. Not too shabby for a first race. It really wasn't as bad as I expected and I managed to pace myself throughout the race so that I never felt too out of breath or tired.

Here's what I learned that works for me:

1. It was about 40 degrees and a little rainy so I dressed in light layers--good call.

2. I ate 1/2 a bagel with a thin smear of peanut butter about 1.5 hours before the race. That definitely helped give me more energy.

3. I got to the race EARLY. It was a madhouse at the race (4,000 people came out) so I'm glad that I managed to get there at 7:30 (a half an hour before the race).

4. I stood near the back of the pack. That helped because I wasn't with the all the fast runners and I actually managed to pass some people (rather than being passed by everyone).

5. I paced myself. I kept myself to a light, steady jog until the 3 mile mark where I went a little faster to finish the race. It felt good finishing strong.

6. I had the support of my family. My mom and sister woke up early to see me run. It was so nice of them and they were so proud of me.

7. I took a complete rest day the day before the race which helped me a lot.

8. I was already able to run for 35-40 minutes on the treadmill, so I was in pretty good shape.

Overall, it was a great experience and I'd definitely like to run more 5Ks. There's a Jingle Bell 5K in Richmond during the second week of Decemeber, so I might run that. Also, I'm seriously considering training for a 10K in the spring. I think that I can do it--I would just need to seriously train.

The rest of my Thanksgiving holiday was pretty awesome. Thanksgiving dinner was delicious and I ate small portions of nearly everything (except the pies). I felt pretty guilt free about it since I earned some APs in the morning. And then on Saturday morning I went for a jog in my neighborhood (roughly 2.5 miles) and that was fun. I am actually starting to enjoy running. It's relaxing to jog through a quiet neighborhood and just be by myself.

Today, the plan is to adjust to my new points--WW just came out with a totally new plan that seems to emphasize fat, carbohydrates, protein, and fiber. It's kind of a pain to have to rethink all my food choices, but at the same time maybe this will help speed up my WL efforts. I get 29 points with the new plan and 49 WPs. Weird, huh. But I put in my foods that I brought to work today and I was shocked that my yogurt with canned peaches was 6 points (it was 2.5 under the new plan). On the other hand, my hamburger on an English muffin is only 8 points and it was 10 under the old plan. Does WW not want us to eat yogurt now? So strange.

Anyway, I also plan on either going to my Body Pump class or going on a run after work. Happy Monday everyone.

Taking a Break

So, after another somewhat disappointing loss this week (0.6), I have decided that I need to take a break from counting points and obsessing over every calorie. By chance, this coincides with Thanksgiving and my trip to visit my family (Wed-Sun). So, in my opinion, that's a pretty good time to ease up a little bit on the plan so that I can enjoy the family gatherings and not obsess if I have an extra glass of wine or a slice of birthday cake or pumpkin pie.

I will, however, focus on making healthy choices and exercising. I am running the 5K tomorrow and I'm a mixture of excited and nervous. I'll let you know how it goes and maybe I'll even be able to post some photos =) In the past, I've been so worried about taking breaks because I felt it would get me off course and distract me from my goal. But, this time, I have to view what I'm doing as a lifestyle change, and throughout life you occasionally need breaks. And after sobbing my heart out on the phone to both of my parents, I recognize that I have hit that wall and desperately need a break. Further, I did some research on WL plateaus and it's possible that I am not eating enough--which might be stunting my WL efforts. So a week of increased eating might do both my mood and metabolism a bit of good. Importantly, however, I am not going to cut back on my activity because I like exercise and it makes me feel good.

So wish me luck on the race tomorrow and I'll let you know how it goes. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

My First 5K

I'd been thinking about doing a 5K for the past couple of weeks, and last night I signed up for one. It's called the Virginia Run Turkey Trot, and it's taking place at 8am in Centreville, VA on Thanksgiving Day.

I have mixed emotions about the race.

I am not at all sure that I'm prepared. I haven't been doing a 5k training program and have barely run outside at all. What if I collapse in a heap on mile two? Also, I have never run a race before and I'm not sure about the race preparation/ race day protocol. What should I wear? What should I eat? When should I arrive at the race? All these questions are making me feel anxious, so I'm going to do some research today and try to figure them out.

But on the other hand, I feel enormously proud of myself that I have decided to take on a huge physical challenge, especially on one of the most gluttonous days of the year. And I do feel stronger than I have in a long time. I can run for 30-40 minutes on the treadmill (usually about 3-3.5 miles) and I recently increased my weights in my Body Pump class. For the past 6 weeks, I have exercised regularly 4-5 times a week, and for the past 7 months I have exercised regularly 2-3 times a week. I am not in bad shape. I am absolutely certain that I could walk the 5K, and I think it's possible that I could run the entire thing.

But on the OTHER other hand, I am incredibly nervous about the prospect of lining up with a bunch of athletes to compete in a race. That brings back dreadful memories of high school gym class, where I would huff my way through the mile run as my other fitter classmates would run past me. I hope that I don't feel that sense of panic on Thursday.

But on the OTHER OTHER other hand, I am volunteering to do this race--it's not a mandatory gym activity. And even if I come in last, I will feel proud of myself for doing a 5K.

But on the OTHER OTHER OTHER other hand, I really hope I don't come in last.

Cleaning and Laundry

Last weekend was unusually productive for me. I cleaned the house, did my laundry, and cooked all my meals. In less pleasant news, my brother Nick got hit by a car while bike riding yesterday. He is okay, thank goodness, despite a concussion and a bunch of bruises.

Moving on, I went to the Farmer's market with a friend on Saturdy afternoon, I went to the gym on Friday night and Sunday morning, I did mountains of laundry on Saturday, and I cleaned my house on Sunday. Not too exciting, but it is pretty nice to have clean clothes and a clean (for now) house.

Now, I love having cats. They snuggle with me all the time and they constantly keep me amused with their wacky behavior. BUT...they have a terrible time with the litter box. For some reason, they delight in spreading litter all over the house. It drove me crazy that yesterday, just as soon as I had finished mopping all the floors, Leo went into the clean litter box to investigate and then got it all over the clean floors. Grrr....He's lucky he's cute.

Here's Leo, with my formerly pudgy arm (the photo was taken about a year ago)




And here's his sister Fanny



Anyway, my weekend was pretty good, health wise, because I managed to only use about 13 WPs, which is really good for me, since I have 22 remaining WPs. I also earned some APs. So, all in all, a good weekend for weight loss. Hopefully this translates to the scale, haha, although you never can tell ;). As for Thanksgiving day, my meeting is cancelled so I'm going to weigh in a day early on Wednesday morning. I haven't decided whether I'm going to count points on Thanksgiving or whether I'm just going to allot my 35 WPs to the day. The only problem with doing that is that I LIKE having spare WPs to use throughout the week, especially when I work out. So, I'll have to think about that. I also am thinking about going for a run or even doing a 5k on Thanksgiving so that I can eat more on the big day =) Does anyone know of any 5ks on Thanksgiving in either the Richmond area or the DC area?

Anyway, I gotta get back to work. Happy Monday everyone!

I spoke too soon...

Little drama queen that I am, I freaked out before my actual weigh in.

I actually lost 0.8.

Yup, I feel a bit sheepish right now. But oh, how I hate those weigh-in jitters. Happy Thursday everyone.

Weigh In Jitters

There was a time, not too long ago, where I'd go to my weigh-ins expecting a loss. Sure, I'd agonize over whether it'd be a 3.5 pound loss or a 1.2 pound loss, but still I expected a loss.

Sadly, those times are gone. For the past few months, I've gone to WIs without knowing what to expect. Maybe I'd see a big loss, but more than likely I'd see a small loss or a small gain--even when I worked out a lot and followed the plan. Today is no exception--I ate within my DPs and WPs and exercised 5 times (two Body Pump classes and three cardio sessions) yet I'm not guaranteed a loss. In fact, the scale at the gym has me up a pound. Now, the rational side of my brain KNOWS that I will not gain weight if I stick to the plan and exercise consistently. But the other side is freaking out and starting to imagine that my body has secretly been invaded by a monster that is determined to hold onto every last ounce of weight. And it won't let up until I weigh 400 pounds and have to join the circus and end up marrying a dwarf named Bubba and...

Okay, I digress. But seriously, is it so hard for my 180ish pound body to get rid of these excess 30 pounds? Why is that so difficult? I sweat, I plan my meals, I get in most of my GHGs (good health guidelines), and does the scale budge?

Sometimes...when it's in a good mood.

The rational part of me is telling me that (1) I've lost a heck of a lot of weight so far and I should be pleased with my loss, (2) If I continue living healthy, I will lose the weight, and (3) I look and feel amazing now, so why not focus on that?

But of course, I am anxious to lose this last 30 pounds and finally be at a healthy weight...for the first time since I was 13. I guess all things come in good time.

I'll let you know what the verdict is. I'm just hoping that I don't cry (again!) at my WW meeting.

Blog Update

So, I never said I was technologically savvy, which explains why it has taken me nearly seven months to discover how to create a new page on this blog (thank you WW message boards!). I finally posted some photos, which (I hope) give you guys a good idea about my weight gain/ loss pattern over the years. As you can see from the photos, I've been struggling with my weight for quite some time. I will try to take some current "body shots" so that I can post them as well. I have gotten out of the habit of taking photos, haha.

Anyway, so far my week has been going well. Yesterday, I stayed within my DPs (give or take a point because of a few bites of some fried oyster) and I worked out for 40 minutes on the treadmill. I pushed myself and made it to 5.4 for about 4 minutes, which was awesome! I've never been able to go so fast on the treadmill...EVER. Tonight, I'm planning on getting some quality time on the elliptical, so that should be good.

On the food front, I've managed to make smarter food choices, which means I get to eat more! My menu today consisted of the following:

B:
Oatmeal (2)
Banana (2)
1/2 cup of canned pumpkin (0)!!
Black tea with splenda (0)

L:

Mixed greens (0)
1/2 cup b. beans (1)
1/8 cup rf cheese (1)
2 ounces of chicken (2)
2 tbs dressing (2)

A toasted cinnamon raisin bagel thin on the side (1)

And that's it so far. I've only eaten 11 points and I feel completely satisfied. Now, if I recall, my chicken salad over the summer was roughly 12 points, and now I've managed to cut it down to 6, and it's still quite substantial.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. Happy Tuesday everyone!

Green Apples, Wine, and Ice Cream

I hope that everyone had a great weekend. I had the best weekend I've had in a while =). I hung out with great friends, went for my first bike ride in Richmond, went to a great party on Saturday night, and saw a movie on Sunday. Good times.

On Friday, I forced myself to go to my Body Pump class after work and I'm glad that I did because it gave me an excuse to chill out, guilt free, on Saturday and Sunday. As you may recall, I was planning for a splurge on Friday night (pizza, ice cream, twizzlers) but, after my Body Pump class I didn't really feel like I "needed" the splurge anymore. So, instead, I ate a hearty meal of the following:

-Toasted ciabatta roll with a little butter
-Baked asparagus with EVOO and kosher salt
-Sliced green apple (I'm addicted to these!)
-Grilled chicken
-Skinny cow strawberry ice cream, yum!

A pretty hearty meal, but I was starving after Body Pump. After dinner, I went out with the girls and got a few light beers and a glass of wine =)

On Saturday, I was supposed to go to brunch with a friend. Unfortunately, I never made it there because it was the Richmond Marathon, and traffic was pretty much gridlocked in the city. So I decided to park my car and walk the roughly 2 miles home. It was a beautful day, and it felt good to get some exercise. After I got home, I decided to take my new bike out for a ride in Richmond. I rode to Carytown and then decided to bike to my car downtown. I love being able to get around on my bike =) Then, on Saturday night, I went to a wine bar with some friends and then went to a party at my neighbor's house.

All in all, it was a great weekend, and despite a little too much drinking, I still managed to save roughly 6 WPs for the rest of the week. The only drawback is that I did not a get chance to clean my house or do laundry, so I'm going to have to try to work that in during the week.

I hope that everyone has a happy Monday!

And the Verdict is...

Down 3 pounds =) Yay!!! I'm so glad to see a loss, and a big one at that!!

Recap of Goals

Good morning everyone! I am feeling much more energetic this morning after getting a good night of sleep :)

It felt so good to get out of the office yesterday and go to my Body Pump class. The class was especially difficult because I focused more on form and I used heavier weights. I definitely broke a sweat ;) I'm glad that I'm starting to incorporate more strength training into my workouts because I feel more toned, overall, especially in my arms and shoulders. I've always been a bit skeptical about weight training because I didn't want to "bulk up," but none of the people in my class (even the men) are large. Instead, they are lean and strong. My class focuses on using smaller weights with many reps, so maybe that explains it.

After the class, I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some essentials for dinner. I settled on a chicken salad with an irresistable ciabatta roll. I bought a package of the rolls and each roll was about 300 calories, so I assumed they'd be 4-5points. I was wrong--each roll was 6 points!! But it was so yummy and filling and I had the points to spare, so it wasn't a big deal.

The salad contained the following:

1 1/2 cup of mixed lettuce with carrots, onion, and spinach (0)
3 ounces of chicken marinated in honey mustard dressing (3)
1/4 cup of ff cheddar cheese (1)
3/4 cup of reduced sodium pinto beans (2.5)
1 tbsp of honey mustard dressing (1)

Along with the bread, the meal was 13.5 points, which exactly filled my remaining DPs. Anyway, I'm eating leftovers for lunch, and I'm already excited :)

So to recap on my goals for the week...

-I worked out Friday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday--thereby fulfilling my goal to exercise 4 times.

-I stayed within my DPs and WPs, and I even had 4 WPs left to spare :)

This week, I'd like to focus on the following goals:

-Work out 5 times (2 Body Pump classes and 3 cardio sessions)

-Stick to my DPs and WPs

-Not get so sidetracked over the weekend!! I want to be more active and not succumb to pigging out...except for my mini-splurge I have planned for Friday night :)

Anyway, today is my weigh in day, so wish me luck. I'll let you know what the verdict is this afternoon.

Splurge Guilt

My eyes are glazed over from editing 90+ pages of a document this afternoon, so please forgive me if this post lacks my typical energy. I can't wait to get out of the office and go to my Body Pump class this evening :)

Anyway, as for the midweek update, I am pleased to tell you that I did not let the splurges from the weekend destroy my week. Starting on Monday, I got back to eating healthy and exercising. Both days I ate within my points and did cardio at the gym. I think that this may be the secret to maintaining one's weight--alternating "bad" eating days with "good" ones. I weighed myself on the gym scale (I know, it's a bad idea to use different scales) and it looks like my weight is back down a bit, so hopefully I'll see a loss at my weigh in tomorrow.

At the moment, all I can think about is the weekend. Bizzarly enough, I'm actually craving some alone time and I'm thinking about allowing myself a mini-splurge on Friday night with some pizza and maybe an ice cream sandwich (and a good movie, of course). It's kind of been bugging me that I've been wasting my WPs on social activities (yes, I'm still peeved about the Chipotle incident). So, this week, I'd like to splurge on foods that I actually like. Haha...what a novel concept, right?

So, I'm thinking on Friday that I'll make my own individual pizza at home and then buy an ice cream sandwich and maybe top the night off with some popcorn or twizzlers...Just to be clear, this is not a binge, just a splurge. Maybe I'll use 10-12 WPs. Does this sound like a healthy-ish plan to you?

It's weird. In the past, I've tried to make my splurges social events so that I don't feel guilty about them. But now, I'd like to plan a splurge for the food. Does that make any sense to you? Do you ever plan food splurges that aren't related to social activities?

Fancy Dinner, Polyface Farms, Chipotle, and Chocolate Chip Pancakes

I feel like my post title sums up my weekend. Basically, it turned into a mishmash of activities and foods--not too healthy, by the way. But oh well, what did I say last Friday? It's time to move on.

On Friday night, I met a friend at the restuarant of the Virginia Musuum of Fine Arts. The restaurant was gorgeous and we had a really nice view. We ordered a salad to start (it had yummy candied walnuts) and this delicious chicken curry dish for an entree (we split everything). We also ordered a bottle of red wine, and we got a complimentary spread of desserts at the end of the meal. It was quite a delicious splurge ;)

Then on Saturday I woke up super early (7 am) to drive to Polyface Farm. In case you're not familiar, Polyface Farm is an organic farm near Staunton, VA. It was featured in Food Inc. Anyway, NZ and I drove all the way to Staunton to see this farm and buy some organic meat. The verdict? It looked like you'd expect a farm to look--a little messy, animals, dogs and cats hanging out. Nothing too spectacular. The farm definitely had a lot of great features--the cattle grazed on grass, the pigs and chickens had enough space, etc...I wish there were more farms like that in the US. Anyway, I picked up some ground pork and I'm cooking dinner with it tonight, so I'll let you know if I notice a difference in taste.

Then, (cue scary music here) we stopped at Chipotle on the way home and I ate nearly an entire chicken burrito. Ugh. Diet fail--especially considering how many points I know those burritos have.

The rest of the night was a bit of a wash since I felt uncomfortably full and was lying prone on my couch watching Gilmore Girls. Haha.

And then on Saturday I went out for brunch with my friend Adriane and ordered CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES. They were delicious, and they were mostly all I ate yesterday so I don't feel super guilty.

Today, the plan is to get back on track with eating well and exercising. I brought a healthy lunch and I packed my gym clothes in the car, so hopefully I'll be able to manage that ;)

I feel a little bloated and gross this morning. I really need to get back on track with eating well. It's so hard for me this time of year!

The Verdict

I gained 2 pounds this week. It's official--the WW scale says so. And I'm not that upset about it, although it is the biggest gain that I've seen since I started this journey in March. Simply put, I ate too much over the weekend, exercised too little, and I deserved to gain.

At the same time, it is astonishing how quickly you can gain back weight. I dieted/ exercised HARD for the previous three weeks and lost a total of 2.4. I messed up one week and nearly gained it all back. Whew...how the weight comes back on quickly. This explains why it's so easy to regain weight once you have lost it.

I am proud of myself because I forced myself to weigh in, even when I knew I wasn't going to be happy with the result. This is so much stronger than I've been in the past. Before, I would overreact to mistakes and think that my diet had failed. Now, I see the gain for what it is--a bad week of eating--and I move on. Because, as I've said before, I am never going to be the perfect dieter who sticks to the plan 100% of the time, with no slip-ups. I am who I am--someone who likes to eat (sometimes too much) and who relies on food too much when I'm feeling emotionally out of whack. Although I am definitely trying to work on these issues, I will, likely, always struggle with them. And that's okay.

As for this fresh week (see, weighing in is good because you get to start a FRESH week), I'm going to focus on (1) sticking within my DPs and WPs and (2) exercising four times. I think it's interesting how last week's extreme goals lead me to extreme binge, so this week I'm going to focus on living normally and achieving manageable goals. I think I can do it ;)

Unrealistic goals and getting back on track

Last week, for a fleeting few hours, I decided to eat a WW menu for the week. I even posted the menu (for one day) on the blog. Long story short, that did not happen. I never even bought the groceries. Although, I did try some chocolate soy milk that was delicious and I did eat a veggie heavy stir fry on Friday evening.

My week has not gone super smoothly so far, diet and exercise wise. I ate a huge unhealthy dinner on Thursday night, I ate two(!) huge slices of pizza on Friday night (in addition to dinner) and I pigged out on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I also completely stopped exercising, from Saturday-Monday. However, I am here to tell you that I am not overridden with guilt. These things happen (even for healthy people) and the imporant thing is that you get back on track. So yesterday, I ate healthy and worked out for 45 minutes on the elliptical. It felt really good to get back on track and I'm determined to have a good day today. (FYI--there were some life factors that got in my way this past week: drama with guys, too much drinking, visiting my family, etc...)

Today, the plan is to eat my typical breakfast of oatmeal and banana (it may be boring, but it's filling, yummy, and cheap!), a subway sandwich with baked chips for lunch, and a chicken stir fry for dinner. I'm also going to my Body Pump class after work--my friend Allison is meeting me there so I can't get out of it :)

On other news, I met a new guy named N--same name as my ex--so we'll call him NZ. We went out last Friday and last night and things seem to be going well. Last night, we went out for crab legs, beer, and Pho soup. It was both yummy and healthy. NZ is also very health conscious so it doesn't look like it's going to be too difficult to stick to my plan while dating him. I plan on taking things VERY SLOW with NZ, so I'll keep you updated.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. Happy Hump day!

Focusing on Filling Foods

I am astonished, and pleasantly surprised, by how my meeting turned out today. I weighed in and tried not to be disappointed by the 0.6 loss. I did my best, but it's that time of the month, and well, it's hard to see a small loss when you work so hard. I know, I know, I wrote in my blog post that I didn't care what the scale says. But I do. A little bit.

So, during the meeting I spoke up and told everyone how frustrated I was. And everyone was incredibly supportive. Members told me how proud they were about the amount of weight I had lost and how toned and fit I was looking. That felt really nice.

I explained that I was "starving" all of the time and found it hard to stay within my 25 points. When I said that, the leader and the members looked at me in surprise and said that I should be full eating 25 points and asked what I was eating. We went over my menu and it looks like I need to eat more filling foods and snack more often (especially when I work out). They told me there's a menu builder on E-tools, so when I got back to the meeting I checked it out. It's a really cool tool that helps you create menus that fulfill your nutritional requirements.

So I have come up with a menu for the week, which I'm going to try to stick to =)
Now, I am not particularly organized, but I think my diet could use some improvements, and I'd like to stop feeling hungry all the time.

Here's the menu for tomorrow:

B: coffee yogurt with granola and banana (5)

L: Ham wrap: 1 tortilla, 1 tsp mayo, 2 oz of lunch meat ham, 2 oz of cheese, 1/2 cup lettuce, and 1/2 cup red pepper. Apple (8)

S: 1 cup sliced strawberries and fat free vanilla yogurt (3)

D: Stir fry beef: 4 oz beef, 1 tsp canola oil, 1 tsp ginger, 1/2 cup red pepper, 1/4 cup carrots, and 1/4 cup onion. With 1 cup of brown rice on the side. (9)

What do you think? Sound like a plan?

And the Verdict is...

Down .6

I feel like I said it all in the previous post.

I'm happy for the loss and I'm looking forward to the new week and getting my 35 weekly points refilled.

Mental Preparation

Today is my weigh in day.

For the last two weeks, I have let my weigh in verdicts get me down, but not today. My goal today is to accept whatever number the scale throws at me--even if I see a gain. Because I know, in my gut, that I had a successful week. I worked out 5 times. On Saturday, I went on a bike ride; Sunday, I went for a jog; Monday, I went to Body Pump; Tuesday, I worked out on the elliptical for 40+ minutes; and Wednesday, I went to Body Pump. I stuck within my points, although I did use a few APs, and I tried to get in my fruits and veggies, lean protein, and calcium every day. I have started taking a multivitamin.

To sum up, I am probably the healthiest I have ever been in my entire life.

At the same time, I did not overly restrict myself this past week. If I was still hungry after dinner, I allowed myself a snack, even if it put me over on my DPs. I drank 2% milk instead of 1% because I prefer the taste. I had a WW fudge ice cream bar last night and it was delicious :) I didn't count points for the milk or cream I put in my coffee. In other words, I made the plan manageable for myself. After my extreme reaction to last week's weigh in, I decided that I can't restrict myself too much because I won't be able to sustain it. And this, as I keep telling myself, is a lifestyle change, not a diet.

And if that means that it's going to take a whole year to get to goal, so be it. The worst possible thing would be if I lose the weight quickly in an unhealthy way and then gain it all right back plus extra. I haven't been as thin/ fit as I am right now in a long time and I am enjoying being my current size. While I would like to get to my goal weight, I'm not exactly desperate to do so (if that makes sense).

So, hopefully I am mentally prepared for my weigh in. Whatever happens this week, I know that if I keep exercising and eating as I have been doing, I will eventually lose the weight and become a healthy person. Just as I know that if I eat pizza and ice cream every day, I will gain weight.

Weight loss is not a mystery, even though daily/ weekly fluctuations can make it seem like it is. But in the long run, if you lead a healthy lifestyle you will get to a healthy (or reasonably healthy) weight. It's just a matter of time.

Believe it or not...

For the last three weeks, I have exercised 4-5 times. What's even crazier, I have enjoyed getting so much exercise.

Say whaaat???

This is coming from the girl who avoided exercise at all costs, who dreaded carrying grocery bags up the flight of stairs to my apartment.

This girl has actually started to like exercise. I like the way my body feels when I exercise. I like the feeling I get in the middle of an exercise when I'm starting to sweat, yet I know that I can complete the workout.

Most of all, I love the confidence that exercise gives me. You want to go on a hike, fine by me. You want to go on a bike ride, that's cool too. And if you, crazy person that you are, want to go on a jog outside, I'll grab my sneakers and join you. All of a sudden, I've become the kind of person that I used to envy (and let's face it, possibly loathe) the exercise junkie. I've become the kind of person who pushes activities aside to schedule in exercise. I've become the obnoxious person who talks about exercise in public and fantasizes about owning a Heart Rate Monitor.

So, as you can tell, I've been on track this week with exercising and eating healthy. My biggest challenge has been sticking to my DPs (daily points), but I have given myself some wiggle room with that. If I go over by 1-2 points, I let it slide because I earn at least 2 APs (Activity Points) for each workout. This, after all, is a lifestyle change, and there is no way that I'm going to settle for going to bed hungry for the rest of my life. So, I might as well make the plan work for me. Bizzarly enough, I have the sneaky suspicion that I actually need to extra 1-2 points to keep losing weight as well, so that my body doesn't go in starvation mode.

I also need to work on eating more filling foods. I squander 2 points daily on crackers/ baked chips with my lunch and that doesn't keep me full at all. I'd be better served to eat something like carrots and some 1 pt dip (I'll have to remember to buy that when I go to the grocery store). I also use up a lot of points on my higher calorie wheat bread, but in that case, I think it's worth it because the sandwich thins/ bagel thin don't fill me up.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. Happy hump day everyone!

New Bike!

So, for my birthday present, my parents bought me a used, purple, Trek bike. I am so excited!! I told my mom that I wanted something fitness related. And they surprised me on my Saturday morning with the bike.

I went on a bike ride with my dad on Saturday and I have to admit I felt a little nervous getting on a bike after all these years. But I quickly grew more comfortable and we had a great time on the bike trail. The trail was fun, and I did pretty well with the hills. I guess all this working out is paying off.

Not only is the bike great for fitness, but I'm excited to use the bike to travel around Richmond. I hate having to drive for small distances and it will be great to travel on my bike. The only problem is that I don't feel comfortable riding at night, so I'll have to do most of my bike riding on the weekends this fall and winter.

As for the rest of the birthday weekend, I had a great time and managed to make reasonably healthy choices, although I didn't try to count points. My mom outidid herself in terms of cooking and made two spectacular dinners, which I definitely enjoyed. On Sunday, I went for a jog in my parent's neighborhood (I think it was roughly 1.5 miles). My goal for the rest of the week is to exercise Monday-Wednesday and eat within my 25 points. Wish me luck, and happy Monday!

It's Time to Celebrate--Birthday Weekend

There is a fine line between being focused on this WLJ and being obsessive. And I think I may have crossed it yesterday ;)

After taking a day to put last week's weigh in result in perspective and hearing advice from everyone--my parents, siblings, friends, and members of the WW community--I have come to the conclusion that it's unrealistic to expect to lose more than a pound a week. Even when you work your butt off. And when I set crazy expectations that I don't have control of, it can lead me to get upset and sabotage my healthy lifestyle. Which is not what I want to do.

So, on that note, let me take back what I said yesterday and properly celebrate my 1.2 loss. After about six months of making healthy changes, I have accomplished the following:

-I am officially 1.2 pounds lighter this week and only 33.4 pounds away from reaching a healthy weight.

-I have lost 56.6 pounds and have gone from a size 18-20 to a size 12-14.

-When I started, it was a struggle to walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes at 3.5. Now, I can jog on the treadmill for 40 minutes on 4.5.

-I have tried five new classes at Gold's gym--Zumba, Body Jam, Body Pump, Pilates, and Step. I can jog 1.5 hilly miles outside.

-I routinely eat 3 servings of fruits and vegetables each day.

-I can feel my collar bones and hip bones.

-I have much more self confidence and I am starting to like the shape of my body.

When I began this journey at the end of March, I could never imagine that by just October I would have made so much progress. So, if I consider the 1.2 loss from that perspective, it's one small victory that has lead up to this amazing progress.

Anyway, speaking of the passage of time, my birthday is tomorrow (I turn 25) and I'm excited to celebrate this weekend and splurge a bit. My dad's birthday is today (he's turning 52) and I'm heading up to Nova to celebrate the birthdays (mine, my dad's and my grandma's) this weekend. My goal is to indulge some but stick within my DPs and WPs (I may have to exercise more and earn some APs as well) and get in some exercise on Saturday and/ or Sunday. Happy Friday everyone!

And the Verdict is..

Down 1.2 pounds.

Warning: What follows is a bit of a rant.

To say that I'm frustrated right now would be an understatement. I worked out 5 times, ate as few WPs as possible (about 10) and still lost just 1.2 pounds. My leader asked me if I was going to let a disappointing weigh in keep me from doing well this coming week.

I said no. But honestly, I felt like I gave WW my all this week. I starved, I sweat, and I even DECLINED alcohol, all so that I could lose a measly 1.2 pounds. Which come to think of it is roughly the same amount of weight that I lost when I was dating N and eating pizza, ice cream and large quantities of alcohol.

I can't think of a way this past week could have been better. Grrr....

Some Progress Pics

No Longer Plus-Sized

On Friday night, I was determined to go the gym, but I stopped at the mall across the street first and decided to go to my old stand-by, Lane Bryant.

So, I poked around the sales rack and picked up a few size 14 items. And...drum roll please...nothing fit. The salesperson, Jennifer, made a face when I came out of the dressing room, and said, "Honey, the clothes here don't fit you anymore." When I first started shopping at Lane Bryant, roughly five years ago, I kept expecting salespeople to tell me I was in the wrong store. But the 14-16s fit, and no one said anything. But now, after losing all this weight, the unexpected has finally occurred: I am no longer plus-sized.

I must have looked bewildered when Jennifer gave me the news. (Now, some backstory here: Jennifer is always at Lane Bryant and she has helped me pick out clothes since I moved to Richmond last September. She has seen me throughout this entire weight loss journey.) So, on Friday, after I tried on the clothes, she turned to me and asked how much weight I had lost, and I replied that I had lost about 55 pounds.

All of a sudden, she grabbed her purse and told her coworker, "I'm going to take her to Old Navy and help her find some clothes. I'll be back in an hour." She told her coworker to call if things got busy. So we walked through the mall to the Old Navy and she helped me to select a number of items. And she kept telling random Old Navy salespeople, 'This girl lost 55 pounds. She used to be a size 20 and now she's a size 12.'

I ended up buying a pair of size 12 jeans and a size medium sweater. I can't thank Jennifer enough for taking the time to help me and for being proud of me. It was an amazing experience.

In other news, I worked out twice over the weekend and managed to stay pretty much within my daily points, despite drinking a little too much wine on Friday night. I'm planning on going to the gym after work and doing the treadmill or elliptical and then taking a Pilates class. Happy Monday everyone.

Changing It Up...

I am in a food rut. Oatmeal, banana and tea for breakfast, turkey sandwich or white bean chili for lunch, and something breakfast-y for dinner, cream of wheat, eggs, etc...

Now, I know that I'm not getting a heck of a lot of fruits and vegetables. And I'm also a little bored with my thrifty, post-grad cuisine ;) So, this week I am challenging myself to switch things up. Maybe that will help me lose some more on the scale. Who knows?

So far my menu today has consisted of the following:

B: Fiber 1 Bar and tea (1 point)

L: Peanut butter and honey sandwich on reduced calorie white bread, carrots, and baked chips (10 points)

D: I'm tentatively thinking about making a stir fry (with chicken, green pepper, and mushrooms) and rice/ a tortilla on the side.

I have so much to do after work today. (1) I have to go to my apartment and pick up my paycheck, (2) I have to go to the bank, (3) I have to go to the gym, (4) I need to stop by the grocery store, (5) I need to straighten my apartment. I may have plans with my friend Adriane and her boyfriend tonight. Anyway, I hope that everyone has a great weekend. I'm planning on taking another Body Pump class tonight (if I can get to the gym early enough). If not, I'll have to make do with the treadmill/ elliptical. Happy Friday!

Disappointing Verdict

After a week of sticking within my points and exercising FIVE times...

I am down 0.6.

Now, I know that first of all, a loss is a loss. And I also know that I had a very big loss last week. And I also know that I could possibly be building some muscle mass.

But none of that makes me feel any better. I keep analyzing my week. Was it the 1/2 of funnel cake that I ate at the Folk Life Festival? Or was it the two glasses of wine I had on Tuesday evening? I thought all of that fit into my 35 weekly points, but maybe not? However, I have splurged in previous weeks and lost? Why not this time?

This is probably the most frustrating part about losing weight. You get on a role and think if I can only lose X pounds per week, I'll be at my goal in X time. So you force yourself to go to the gym, you eat healthier food in smaller portions, and you pray to the WW gods that you'll see a substantial loss on the scale. Sometimes it happens. And sometimes, like today, it doesn't.

I guess the only thing to do is to keep chugging along. Wish me luck.

Exercising Makes Me HUNGRY

This week has been fantastic when it comes to exercise. I went to Body Pump on Friday evening, I jogged on the treadmill on Sunday, I went to a Pilates class on Monday, and I worked out on the elliptical last night. While all of this activity is great, it definitely has made me hungrier this week. Let's just say, I've gone over my daily points nearly every day (although I'm still OP because I've only used about 30 of my 35 weekly points).

I discovered (through the WW message boards) a site called SparkPeople.com that helps you track your nutrition and activity. The site is very similar to WW E-tools. You enter your information (age, height, weight) and it tells you how much you should be eating. Unlike WW, however, this site gives you more specific guidelines in terms of calories, fat, cholesterol, protein, sodium, calcium, iron, carbs, etc...It's a great resource. Even if you don't end up using it, I'd recommend entering in a sample day and seeing how well you are meeting the guidelines.

So, according to SparkPeople, I should be eating 1200-1550 calories per day. When I eat just my DPs, I usually hit 1200 calories, which is on the low end of the spectrum. That was news to me. I guess that's why they are called your MINIMUM daily points. Anyway, yesterday I had a good OP day + two glasses of wine and ended up using 1388 calories and going over my DPs by 2 points. At first, I was kind of upset with myself for once again going over my DPs. But on the other hand, I was well within my range of calories to lose weight. In addition, I met all of my other good health guidelines, except for potassium.

So, in the end, it looks like it's good to use your additional weekly points because the daily points are the minimum of what one should be eating. I'll definitely keep this in mind as I go through this WLJ.

I really hope that I still see a loss this week, despite eating most of my WPs!

Pilates

Despite being pretty sore yesterday, I forced myself to try out the Pilates class at Gold's gym. I'm so glad that I did, because it wasn't too intense and it definitely helped me to stretch out my sore muscles.

The last time I tried Pilates was before I started losing weight. I remember doing a tape with my mom and struggling quite a bit to reach/ maintain the poses. I could barely squeeze my legs together, much less use my stomach muscles to lift myself up.

I was surprised by how much easier the class was this time around. My thighs fit together with no problem, and I had no trouble getting into the majority of the positions. My only problem occurred when we had to balance on the huge rubber balls. I kept tipping over ;)

It's amazing how much I have changed over the past six months. Before losing weight, I was afraid to try any new activities because I figured I would fail or that the activity would be too strenuous. These days, I feel fairly confident trying new exercise classes, from Body Pump to Pilates. I know that I'm not in great shape, by any means, but I am capable of doing a lot more than before I started WW.

Anyway, I have to get back to work. Happy Tuesday everyone.

Weekend Fun

I worked out twice over the weekend, but I also managed to use just about all my 35 weeklies on alcohol and snacks. So, I guess that evens out, right? I hope so.

I had a great time this weekend. After work on Friday I tried a new class at Gold's Gym, Body Pump. I'd been meaning to try some resistance training in addition to cardio. Randomly, on Friday afternoon I met this girl in the locker room and she convinced me to give Body Pump a chance, despite the scary name. The class was definitely a challenge for me. It consisted of an hour of doing arm weights, lunges, squats and sit-ups. I could barely move the next day, and I'm still sore three days later!

Friday night was full of drunken debauchery, so I won't go into much detail there, haha. Needless to say, I had a good time. Then on Saturday, I went to an old friend's surprise birthday party, which was awesome. I hadn't seen her in several months and she definitely noticed my weight loss. And then on Sunday I went to the Folk Life Festival in Richmond. It was an amazing time, and yes, I splurged and got the funnel cake ;)

All in all, it was a great weekend, and I'm a little sad to be back at work today. I forced myself to jog for 30 minutes on the treadmill yesterday and now my legs hurt more than ever. I also plan on going to a Pilate's class tonight, so wish me luck!

Recap of the Week

First things first, I want to wish my mom a very happy birthday. It's a gorgeous day to celebrate turning 53 :)

I feel like I can barely write today, given how exhausted I am with work. I am a technical editor, and my job involves editing proposals that my company submits to the government/ private companies. My job is either super slow or crazy intense. This week I've been swamped with editing a 100 page technical document that has needed A LOT of work. I can barely see straight at this point, much less write coherently. So, forgive me if this post seems scattered.

Anyway, I'd like to touch base with my goals this week. I exercised four times (thereby hitting my goal of 3 times) and I stayed within my points. To be honest, there were a few days when I may have gone a bit under my points, but there were also days when I used my 35 extra points. So, as a result, I had my first BIG loss in months: 4.8 pounds!! It feels really good to make some significant progress on my goal.

Last night it hit me: I am only 35 pounds from a BMI healthy weight. While 35 pounds is a significant amount that will, likely, take me several months to lose, it's not that much weight. I mean, a lot of people need to lose 20-30 pounds...it's not a crazy amount of weight. And that means that I'm not that seriously overweight anymore.

Everyone has been telling me this. My parents, siblings, friends, guys that I date have all said/ implied that I'm not that big. But for some reason it's hard for me to believe. It's strange--when I was bigger I saw myself as smaller and was often shocked by photographs/ clothing sizes. And now that I'm smaller, I still feel like the biggest girl in the room. I mean, I'm not crazy, I know that I fit into smaller sizes and weigh less, but I still FEEL huge. I can't wait until this feeling goes away and I can just feel confident with my body.

But the sad truth is that these insecurities will not disappear as I lose weight. The weight loss helps, but I think it might take time, and possibly some therapy, to shed my insecurities once and for all.

I'd appreciate any feedback/ advice you guys can give me. It's a long road to becoming both physically and mentally healthy.

And the Verdict is..

Down 4.8 :)

Work has been crazy busy these last few days, so I don't have much time to post. But I wanted to let you all know about my good news. I'm pretty excited!

Apple-Shaped

I did the measurements and the verdict is in. Apparently, I have an apple-shaped figure, which means that I have broader shoulders, a bigger bust and stomach, and narrower hips and thighs. Or in other words, I look like the Superman cartoon.

According to Look Fabulous.com,

"The apple is a wonderful fruit. However, apple-shaped women don’t always feel as wonderful. You see, an apple shaped body tends to have a softer fuller middle with slim thighs and upper shapely legs. She often has fuller breasts, thinner hips and thighs and a flatter rear end than most. A protruding tummy is also common among the Apples and is a source of much frustration and low self esteem for many of them.

When Apples gain weight, they have a tendency to gain in the midsection, they usually grow thick around the middle down to the thighs. So not all apples are curvy and overweight but generally, all have larger upper body and wider shoulder. This is down to the fact that Apple shaped women have higher androgen levels compared to women with other body types. The high androgen level leads to the skeleton developing in a more masculine pattern and fat is mainly distributed in the chest, face and abdomen."

So, apparently, I am cursed with the worst female figure ever. Not only do I have the big belly, but apparently I'm more manly than other types of women. Grrr...

I found this [the fact that I'm apple shaped] out the hard way when I decided to go pants shopping yesterday. I had one pair of dress pants that fit, so I decided to go and buy another pair. Not as simple as it sounds.

I went to three stores and struggled to find pants that fit both my waist and thighs. Several of the pairs I tried on fit my waist, but then ballooned around my thighs and butt, which made me look dumpy. And to make matters worse, I am in between a size 12 and a size 14, so the 14s were a bit too big and the 12s were too snug. Last but not least, I'm relatively short, so all the pants were way too long. Let me just say, this shopping expedition was not fun. Eventually, I found a pair of pants that fit my belly and thighs and were the right length, but I must have tried on 30 pairs.

The only consolation is that, according to other random websites, there are some pretty gorgeous skinny "apple-shaped" women, including Angelina Jolie and Catherine Zeta-Jones. So, I guess there may be hope for apple-shaped women after all.

Back on Track

I am proud to report that I am back on the exercising/ eating healthy wagon. Since my weigh in on Thursday when I gained 1.4 pounds, I have worked out twice and stayed within my daily and weekly points. I know that it's only Monday, but I feel really pleased that I have managed to get back on track after my two week relapse.

On Friday night I went to the gym after work and jogged on the treadmill. I jogged at alternating two minute increments of 4.2 and 4.4 for 32 minutes. While that may not sound fast to you, it's the fastest I've ever gone on the treadmill. When I first started WW in March, I could only manage 3.5, so I feel like I've definitely gotten into better shape in the past six months.

After going to the gym, I went to see The Social Network with a new guy E. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, I don't want to spoil it for you, but I was not impressed. I love Aaron Sorkin and I was really excited to see the movie, but I felt like the dialogue was kind of flat. Anyway, after the movie, we went to hear my favorite swing band play at the neighborhood bar, which was awesome. And then I ended up going to two more bars and stayed up until 4am. Good times ;)

On Saturday, I drove up to Nova to visit my parents and see my best friend Michael. Michael and I cooked up an awesome dinner of sausage and peppers and tater tots. Yum.

And on Sunday, I went for a jog in my parents' incredibly hilly neighborhood. The jog was much tougher than the treadmill, but it felt really good. It was really nice spending the day with my family yesterday. We went out for breakfast. I went for a walk with my brother Nick (and ended up with muddy clothing thanks to an unfortunate dare!), made white bean chili with family friends, Ann and Mike, and ate a delicious dinner of roasted chicken and collard greens .

Unfortunately, I got back to Richmond pretty late (around 10pm) so I'm a bit tired this morning. Oh well. It's worth it because I had an awesome weekend. Anyway, gotta get back to work. I hope that everyone has a great Monday.

And the verdict is...

I'm up 1.4.

After two tough weeks with some very bad eating days, that's not so bad. And I'm glad I weighed in because now I can focus on having a good week this week.

Goals:
-Count points and stay within points.

-Exercise three times

That doesn't seem too hard. Wish me luck!

Not Just One...

"I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink. I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough."

This is a quote from one of my favorite shows West Wing , when one of the main characters, Leo, explains his addiction to alcohol.

I think this quote exemplifies my relationship with food. Yesterday, it was cold and rainy outside and I was craving a warm, crispy doughnut. But like Leo, I didn't just want one doughnut; I wanted to eat doughnuts until I was completely stuffed. I wanted to eat the whole box.

I don't understand people who can eat just enough sweet/junk food to be satisfied. I don't understand people who can leave half a bowl of ice cream left over on the table, people who can eat half a doughnut and leave the rest for later. When I was a kid, I had a good friend named Kiki. Kiki was an only child and she used to keep bowls of candy in her room. The crazy thing was--she didn't eat all the candy! If that had been me, I would have eaten it all within an hour.

On the other hand, I have no problem leaving half a beer or glass of wine left over when I feel like I've had enough to drink. In fact, I have a notorious reputation for not finishing my beers ;)

So, back to my doughnut story. Instead of hitting Dunkin Doughnuts, I went to the gym instead. And after 30 minutes on the elliptical, my craving for doughnuts had vanished and been replaced with the desire for a hearty, sustaining meal. I had cream of wheat, toast, and scrambled eggs for dinner. And it was delicious.

I just hope that I can continue to make good decisions rather than succumbing to my desire to compulsively eat. But as Leo says in the West Wing, every day he has to make the choice not to have a drink. Likewise, I'll just have to take this weight loss journey one day at a time. Today, I will make the choice to eat healthy foods. Although, I have planned to eat (one!) ice cream sandwich for dessert either today or tomorrow. And you know what I did, I went to the store and literally bought one ice cream sandwich instead of the box. Baby steps, if you will.

Happy Thursday.

Refocusing on Me

These last few weeks have been a difficult time for me. N broke up with me, I got the stomach flu, and my cat Fanny ran away (she returned on Saturday night, thank goodness). When bad things happen, my tendency is to turn to food, which of course, makes me feel even worse than ever. This time was no different. I completely stopped tracking points and ate whatever I felt like--honey nut cheerios, ice cream, nuttella, cookies, etc...

But I am here to tell you that a few weeks of less than stellar eating will not break me. And it will not keep me from reaching my goal of finally getting to a normal weight. I just need to pull myself out of my funk and get back on track. Now I know that is easier said than done, but I have done it before and I can do it again.

On a side note, I had an interesting epiphany last night. I went out with a new guy R on a very casual second date--just watching the football game at a college bar. Well, throughout the course of the date I was not having a good time. R wasn't really my type and he seemed way more interested in watching the game, texting his friends, and looking at shoes online (don't ask me why) rather than talking to me. Anyway, then this girl came over to our table. She had her hair pulled back in a bun and was wearing jeans and a red sweatshirt--yet she looked great because she was skinny. All of a sudden, I felt really fat and unattractive by comparison, even though I was dressed up in a nice outfit and having a particularly good hair day.

So, I went home where I proceeded to eat everything in my pantry to rid myself of that sickening feeling of insecurity. But how counterproductive is that?? God help me--it was the absolute worst thing I could do. And yet, that's not the first time that I have reacted in that way. Well, now that I'm more aware of my issue, hopefully I can work on it in the future.

Anyway, I'm going to try to get back on track with eating and living healthy. Today, I have planned my meals, and I'm going to the gym after work (I have the clothes/shoes in the car). I'm making homemade tomato soup for dinner, which I'm pretty excited about :)

On another side note, I am going to take a break from dating and guys for the time being. The thing with N ended particularly badly, and I honestly need some time to regroup before I date again. I bought some art supplies yesterday (watercolors, pencils, paper) and I'm going to try them out tonight, hopefully. I used to be pretty good at art, and it would be fun to get back into that hobby. I'm also going to focus on exercising regularly, cooking, reading, and writing. I need to feel confident that I can be a whole person, independent of who I'm dating. I need to feel secure enough with myself, so that I don't feel empty if I have to spend a night or two alone. It's scary to embrace solitude like this when you're 24 (almost 25) but that's what I need to do for me. And hey, I know myself--I love hanging out with people and socializing, so this does not mean that I'm going to become a crazy cat lady. I just need to stop being dependent on others to make me happy, if that makes any sense.